My girlfriend is mean. - 23 (Mpls)

Hey i posted yesterday saying that my girlfriend treats me like shit and i want to meet some one new. I havnt gotten alot of response but a few and havnt really clicked with anyone yet. So if you wanna know more about me send me an email. Im 23, have a car, job, and home. Blonde hair blue eyes, 160lbs 5'10 i do have pics.

women please read before responding - 29 (ERIE)

Hello, my name is Rico.I am from New Jersey. I am 29 years old single no kids. I am a model/Actor. Yes, i do that fulltime sotherefore that is my profession. I know all of you women may say "what in the world is he doing on criaglist". That is a very good question. I have no clue. I am sitting here on a sunny afternoon in my house just chilling. I am a layback kinda of guy. I like to play bingo, bowling, watch a t.v.; lockout extended stay, saop operas, watch sports, laugh etc.. I enjoy working out and just taking care of my body. Our bodies our very precious and what you put in them is what you are going to get out of them. No it isn't easy nor cheap to keep your body up to par but well... that is another subject. What i look for is very simple, a mature woman wether she is younger than me or older just a mature woman that knows what she wants. A woman that is not up for the games and not a woman that is trying to think that she is very clever because it wont work-out to well. Just looking for a woman that desires to be treated like a woman. I been on criaglist for approximately 1 month and i have not found a woman that is ready to actually settle down they say they are but when they meet me there like ummmh!!! like this isn't legit. Something gotta be wrong with this guy he can't be this good to me. Yes, i been on 3 dates and let's say that i will leave those lines blank but i assure you that if you ask any of them about me they will say he is forreal. He is the same man that is on craiglist they will say. "Yes" he is. So the question is why am i still single and what i am still doing on criaglist! Well, i am still on criaglist because there is still a void. I believe that everything is a process. Nothing happens overnight you have to be patient and understanding. which is cool. but please do not say to me Rico, I read your ad and i was feeling it than after that you start playing the mind games because i am not with it. Trust me on that. I will tell you thanks but no thanks. I am not trying to make this a competition nor nothing like that. I always say that i rather take a girl who works at a mcdonalds and take the bus and train everywhere. than a great that works on wallstreet and drives a benz or rangerover. I am not materialistic just want somebody who will respect me and cherish me as i am somebody. Looks yes is a plus but for me not the whole package.I am down to earth!!! My goals and determinations. Let's say that i will be in paramount one day and you will be seeing me on the big screens saying mann, i had an opporutnity to be with that Guy but.... very very soon!!! I will not give up. the devil has been trying to discourage me and break me down but i wont give in nor give up. I came to far to do that. Yes, i date women with kids etc.. but no drama. No stress. Race is not important. nope not at all. just as long as you cherish me and treat me like i am somebody. p.s. Please send a fullbody pic or i will not respond to your email quevolahabana2005 at yahoo dot com Sincerely: Rico


Judging by the pictures he posted, I would guess that he is neither a model nor an actor. Also, I'm not clear on what a "great" is. Apparently they work on Wall Street, and they prefer to own cars like Rangerovers or a Mercedes Benz. If you have any information concerning the definition of a "great," please let me know. I would appreciate any/all insights.

a perfect pet - 33

hello im cool white dude small bulit sorry small over brown hair blue eyes , crooked teath , and very poor, but im house broken and wiil give you all ican , to make you happy , im ready today to move in it only takes less than a hun dred a weak to suport , me i want bark or neither , bite

He should get together with the 45-year-old looking for live-in adult companionship.

GRADUATE STUDENTS...Nice Rooms and Salary (Highland/LSU)

I am an attractive, fit, professional man, 45 years old, with an MS degree, and I love the company of attractive, intelligent, but mature younger women.

I am looking for one or two graduate students who would enjoy having two furnished rooms in my home, walking distance to classes at LSU, along with a modest salary to help with your expenses.

In exchange, I would expect a bit of light house keeping, and some occasional adult companionship.

Serious inquiries only please! Requests for pics, or other personal information will not be answered.

After an initial e-mail exchange, I will want to meet for coffee at a place of your choice near LSU, so we can exchange some ID and chat, and then we can arrange for you to see the house and the rooms.

two girls short of a threesome - 26 (Baton Rouge)

like i said, i'm two girls short of a threesome. hit me up if you're interested. a twosome would be nice too, actually

Sex can wait. Masturbate.

GIRLS , DO YOU WANT NEW BOOBS? (SLC )

I WENT TO A CHARITY AUCTION AND BOUGHT A $5000.00 GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR PLASTIC SURGERY. TELL ME WHY I SHOULD GIVE IT TO YOU AND WHAT SIZE YOU ARE NOW WHAT SIZE DO YOU WANT TO BE? ( HAVE TO HAVE SURGERY IN JAN IT IS THIER SLOW SEASON )



The way to a woman's heart isn't jewelry, it's boobs. Particularly the new kind.

Everybody wants a box of chocolates and a long-stemmed rose... - 42 (Boise)

... And a PEZ dispenser full of cherry flavored Thorazine couldn't hurt, either.

Holy Crap! This online dating thing has been quite the experience; not unlike a wild ride on the Bunny Boiler Express. Yes, I've met some interesting people. Most have been very nice. Sadly, not too many sparks. Unless you count those that detonated my car shortly after I cranked on the ignition. Never fear. I am, obviously, recovering nicely. I've always known that I had an effect on people. I just didn't know it included being burned in effigy, spiking holiday sales of voodoo dolls with my likeness, being slapped by the soles of so many shoes that I'm developing a couple of bizarre fetishes, and inducing mental health crisis in my poor victims.

Alas, all is not lost. These experiences have only strengthened my resolve. Sure, it makes finding that one-in-a-million, special someone a tad more difficult. But, I know she's out there. Perhaps, waiting her release from Orofino or her discharge from State Hospital South. Nonetheless, she is out there. With the soft skin of angel, the breath of the warm summer breeze, the sweet kisses of passion fruit, the personalities of Cybil, and the axe-mastery of a serial killer. Oh, where! Oh, where is my one true love?

A little about me: I am 42 years young, divorced (imagine that), with no kids, no pets, no drama, low overhead, little baggage, and an appreciation for the simple things in life. No, not a simpleton. I'm just not that complicated. I love life and really want to surround myself with positive energy (but something less than a megaton of explosives under the hood of my car). I am thin to average build (I say thin, others say average). I'm somewhere between 5' 9 and 5' 10. I have a shower. It works every now and then. I have plans to buy soap (just as soon as it comes with zero-percent financing). Even though I go mostly casual, I can usually find a clean shirt or two and sometimes they are even ironed. They go nicely with my ties; those that I'm not using to fashion a noose with. My Batman Underoos are generally fresh and clean. I've recently graduated from Huggies Pull-ups. Yes, I am a big kid, too. I am well-educated. Well, I am educated at least. I have a number of interests and have been accused of being able to carry on an intelligent conversation. The kids on the Short Bus think I'm brilliant and witty (Ok, no responses telling me how offensive that was - I am a human services professional. I give 'til it hurts, people). I am not the "outdoorsy" type. I don't hunt, fish, and keep camping to a minimum. I like sports enough to track the BSU Broncos and occasionally see how awful the Raiders are doing or how awesome the Celtics are doing. Other than that, I could really care less. I do like going to the Steelheads games. They're pretty fun. I am not a connoisseur but I do like finely crafted beverages. I don't drink in excess because, frankly, I couldn't afford to given my tastes. I am disease and drug free although there have been moments in the recent past where an injection of anthrax-laced heroin didn't sound all that bad (followed, of course, by a cyanide chaser). I like to think I have a sense of humor. There are those that think otherwise. People often tell me that I look younger than I am (I've been tree-ring dated into my early thirties). Some find me attractive, others mention that I should really look into joining the circus. Apparently, they're in need of a bearded lady (I'm not sure how to take that, really). But this is all a matter of perspective. If nothing else, I can type ok. Oh, and I do have the requisite job, car, and place of my own. I even cut and chew my own food (BONUS!).

What am I looking for? Good question. Short of a miracle, I am interested in meeting women between the ages of 30 and 40 who are mentally, emotionally, and physically fairly fit (Ok, so I would settle for a half-crazed, slightly rotund, chronically unemployed, but kind-of-hot looking midget: but hey, this is "ideally" speaking, right? Again, no need to respond and tell me how awful that last comment was; I give 'til it hurts, remember?). I didn't use to think of myself as picky or shallow but "the times, they are a changin'." If you're in therapy or taking meds to treat a DSM-IV diagnosis, although I feel for you, I'm not ready to go there just yet. I'm not physically attracted to larger (aka BB) women. I want to experience the crush of a woman against me, not being crushed to death by the woman on top of me (Ouch! Again, no need to email me on that one, either). BBW are wonderful people, I'm just not attracted to them physically. Although personality, charm, and a great sense of humor are the most important, please have only one personality at a time. The male fantasy of being with more than one woman actually involves more than one woman. Split personas are such a buzz kill. My dream girl would be down-to-earth, easy-going, friendly, upbeat, and able to laugh (not only at me, but with me as well). She would be playful, creative, with a sensual, sexy side. She would have a knockout smile and be accepting of a "guy's-kind-of-guy." She would understand that dating shouldn't make you a.) actively suicidal, b.) fearful of your life to the point you're considering entering the witness protection program, c.) miss your ex-partner or ex-spouse even more than you did before, or d.) all of the above. She would be liberal and tolerant of others. She would be up for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine to simply meet and say hello. She would be iron-willed, especially if she requested a photo from me. It comes with a liability waiver. If it sends you to the psych ward, I do apologize in advance. I just don't want to get stuck with the bill for your mental health care (which could be quite extensive and vastly expensive). So, if you think you might be her, drop me a line. If you include a photo of yourself, I will reply in kind (although this may be at your own peril). Who knows? Perhaps we could meet, become friends, and... well, the possibilities are endless. Until then, Happy Holidays. I hope to hear from you soon.

Note to self: when life is shit, look for a kind of hot midget with only minor psychological issues.

Jar Jar Binks looking for his Queen Amadala - 22 (Naboo)

Hiya! Me'sa called Jar Jar Binks. Me's am looking for a wonderful girl to call my own. She's a make me laugh, and she'sa have fun with me, and preferably she'sa be a nerd like me! Me'sa likes to watch movies and cuddle, go to the park and swing on the swings and then jump off to see how far I can jump off, and me's liking the Star Wars. Does you'sa smoke? Cause me'sa not for liking the smoking. It's bad. Me'sa has 3 tattoos and me'sa definitely wants more. Me'sa can sing really good too. Specially in the shower and the car. Sorry to cut this short, but me'sa really needs to go to bed. Me's am tired and me'sa gots to wake up early in the morning. So if you's is liking what me'sa has had to say, you should definitely e-mail me.

Vintage guy seeks Antique woman (gr)

Vintage guy looking for an Antique woman with Archaic children and a Prehistoric dog...Send pic of cave dwelling..


I did not have to find that picture. The future husband picked that one out on his own.

Hi, I'm Jesus - 33 (Here again!)

I enjoy long walks on water, dinner get-togethers with friends, and lazy afternoons hanging out on a cross. My friends would describe me as-- The Messiah (Those guys!). I'm back in the area after a long absense living abroad with my dad, and am not sure if I'm ready for a relationship. So friends first, OK? Then we'll see where it goes. Let she without sin shoot me the first e-mail! Ah heck, if ya have some sin, I'll forgive ya anyway! TTYL!

Descendant of King David looking for a Royal wife - 40 (Jerusalem)

A Princess, some one with the appropriate blood line's. Known or unknown. Some one kind and caring for self, and people. Some one who gives one self to God, first, looks for God's pleasure, in how her self is, (persona)and how she would think God would want to please her husband, and in everything. Must be like a High Priest's wife and be willing to be "That" if destiny so goes that way, and have the spirit, of Royal, not foney not fake, but fit-in naturally into it. To be a Princess unto "The Lord" first and then "The House of Israel" ("The House of David") and a good influence, tactful and witty for the "Press" (News People) when one is approached. Please email me, "Davidson"

He provided two pictures, one with a black tee-shirt and one shirtless. He resembled an ugly version of Michael Moore and that is being generous.

cowboyhardware3 - 24 (parma/albion)

howdy there i just got out of a relationship where i wasn't appreciated for what i did and what not, but i'm a big time country boy but my life is a cowboy. i own horses and i am looking for a country girl to have fun with i like to party and just hang out with friends at the bar in parma. i love to hunt and fish as well as ride my crotch rocket when i can so if ya interested send me a message


When I read 'ride my crotch rocket,' I might have loled a little bit...I'm pretty sure that puts me on par intellectually with 12-year-old boys.
Also of note: how does one ride one's own crotch rocket?

Tantra master seeking new year eves partner - 50 (Kalamazoo)

Tantra/Kama sutra master, seeks new years eve partner. Join me in an erotic sensual adventure to end the year. I am a good looking, intelligent man. Your picture will get mine. Do not bother to send me letters with links, they will be deleted.

looking for a funny girl with big boobs... - 26 (denham springs)

just looking for someone nice to be able to enjoy time spent together....

Lauren, I think this one was made for you.

HELLO - 35

HI, I'M 35 AND SINGLE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO GET TO KNOW AND DO THINGS WITH. I BEEN SINGLE FOR ABOUT 4 YEARS AND LOOKING TO GET BACK INTO DATING AGAIN. I'M EASY GOING AND LOVE TO TRAVEL AND I ALSO LOVE THE OUTDOORS. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW MORE FELL FREE TO ASK. THANKS Someone's been getting their blogging tips from Kanye.

The poet - m4w - 24 (Covington)

Young writer with severe social anxiety. Just a tad lonley and looking for someone to hang out with.

From the pictures he posted, I'm tempted to say this lonely, lonely poet is too good to be posting craigslist ads. On the other hand, this ad is a little on the sad, desperate side, no?

Married, but still looking... - 50 (BR, NO, NS)

You've been married for a long time to someone that you still care about, but the romance and lovemaking no longer exist and your efforts at bringing it back have not worked.

You basically have a separate life from your spouse.
Your children no longer need you like they used to.
You want to have a life again after years of just giving to everyone else.
You look at life's clock and realize that you had better make the most of the time that you have left.

You want to find a new purpose for your life and perhaps experience love again, but you don't want to hurt your family.

This is where I find myself.

What am I looking for? Romance, perhaps intimacy, perhaps long term, I don't really know.

I have posted this before. I am still looking. The few that I have contacted me have been mostly sweet, but for different reasons we have not been able to make a connection.

More about me - I am a white male, in my 50's, in very good health, average to muscular built, 6'tall, 220lbs. I am young for my age mentally and physically.
Write me let's get to know each other.

I am located east of Baton Rouge.

I drew the picture below. She was a very special woman that I met online but never in person. I need more inspiration to draw again, could it be you?

like busch light? got the balls to gut a deer? - 21 (allendale)

Me: laid back country boy light smoker love a good laugh good job born again christan redneck/outlaw type prefer country music but listen to anything but rap enjoy a good fire hunting and fishing bluejeans and a tee shirt 7 days a week won't drive anything but a ford truck

You: white 19-25 high school grad born again not a big girl no drama stay at home mom type hunt/fish a plus not divorced no kids not bi semi- normal will laugh at mexican jokes

Your pics get mine NO PORN!!! e-MAIL first see where it goes from there

Just an old Hippie lookin 4 my Flower - 53 (Prairieville)

Read before you email. Just an old hippie looking for a laid back, down to earth woman That's it. Plain and simple. DO NOT REPLY IF YOU WANT ME TO SEE YOUR PICs ON A WEBSITE!!I will not reply so you are just wasting time. Must know what you want!!! All women are welcome. Have a photo if interested. Looking for someone that's 4ft to 6ft, 35 to 60 years old, petite, slim, average, a pound or to won't bother me either, for a long term commitment, friends 1st, who doesn't mind getting her hands dirty in the garden or baiting her own hook, cuddle ling together on the couch or going out to dinner & a movie. Must be open & honest. No druggies, pill heads, drunks need apply, please. Live in my own house with 1 small dog,two goldfish and a pet crawfish. Disabled, I walk with a limp. After a long day, I usually wind up in a recliner watching a little TV or reading.

Pet crawfish as a selling point? Hell to the yes! I think I just lost a little piece of my heart to this hippie from Louisiana.

Naught but an LSU chap! - 23 (LSU)

Top of the morning! I here post an advertisement with aspirations of coming across a fine lady in search of companionship, as I am also seeking as much. However, I dare not begin relations with the intent of partnership! The variance between "companionship" and "partnership" has been established in my thinking, and if clarification be needed by the fine lady replying to this ad, by all means, do inquire.

As for my affinities, I delight in the speaking in ways outdated, though it may irk all that read my peculiar wordage! I am well-versed in the ways of the world and partake in the activities fancied by today's popular culture, such as picture shows, the haunting of drinking establishments, and the occasional bivouacking venture!

If you are attractive, petite, and have a fine way with words, please respond, be it only to sass! I look forward to it!

If you be of the daring kind, I bid you send a picture! If you're way totally awesome, send two. :D

Forsooth, but doth this poster, who delights in the speaking of ways outdated (and of which period he copies I am unsure), realize that 'totally awesome' is a saying which is common in the vernacular of those living in these modern times?

Searching for young barbi dol to marry and love and honor

Add pretty much states it all
searching for an adorable young sweet thing who is searching for true I am a single white male engineer who is
searching for an adorable young sweet thing who is searching for true love.
I live out on a small estate 3 acres with an inground pool
I live alone so I could use a roommate who likes
to go out and have fun, maybe take a cruise or a 3 day get away trip
If you can cook I will adore you
If you look hot in a string bikini I will worship you
You have a heart of love I will marry me
Drop me a note if you are interested
Oh yea I live near in a quiet peaceful country town
outside Huntsville Alabama so you would have to relocate
Do you mind a guy who would love to spend time with you
Doing things with you
Do you mind a guy who pay you alot of attention and affection
That would be me

"You have a heart of love I will marry me"...WORDS TO LIVE BY.
/kanyeweststylecaps

I cry for the teachers he had in younger years, who probably tried to get him to diagram his sentences. Our public school system is a failure.

Elliott Smith lover seeks drunk fem for fun

gotta love me



Watch until the end. You'll be sorry you did. I was.

Come let me worship every inch of you body and soul - 25 (Grand Rapids)

I feel all women are meant to be worshiped and adored.
In bed Angel's of beauty my truest of desires is to satisfy your needs.
Passionately I will dive into your pleasure's making them my own.
I'm willing to try most thing's so don't hold back tell me all your fantasy's and dreams.
Get in touch with me soon so I can get in and touch you.
So Goddes can I get your phone No...
Or e-mail me for mine.
Words cannot describe how sad and pathetic the actual posted pictured is. I think this picture speaks in ways that I cannot.

Cute Funny Paducah boy looking for funny goofy chickadee. - 28 (Paducah KY)

I am a normal guy looking for a possible relationship with a smart chickadee. I love culture, great films, art, wonderful music, and trying to enjoy the simle things in life. Canidate must find be able to find humor in about everything, and try not to take life seriously. Sarcasm is welcome, especially if it's directed at the tasteless Western KY clones that surround us(sadly this is coming from a fellow Kentuckian, but I feel I should have been a New Yorker (lol). I need a girl who can have a great conversation, has her own opinions, and never feels the need to agree with me. I don't want a Klingon (someone who must spend every waking moment with me) although sometimes thats a good thing. Its good to have a life outside of your monogamous partner. I love, adore, worship great music. Canidate must AT LEAST appreciate Radiohead. If you don't like Radiohead, I don't think we could jive (lol). or maybe we could, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about half the time. No headgames, or pretending to be perfect. Flaws are welcome, including temporary craziness, pudgy belly, bad hair days, your favorite hoody, a lack of make up is nice, or whatever makes you nonperfect... I feel the flaws are what we fall in love with. If this sort of thinking makes sense to you, please drop me a line. And please, please, please............just be yourself!!!


Really, radiohead? He was so close to being adorable.

looking for a wife - 32 (Kentuck)

I am looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with. I don't have much to offer in the way of material things right now but have plans to attain many possessions in the future. I can offer you a stable and loving relationship.
I am recently out of the Army and am now enrolled in college. My future plans include a cross country motorcycle trip and a sailing trip to the Keys. If you think you might be interested let me know.


I already have the ring!


Hmmm. Can anyone say rebounding? I guess in Kentucky they go straight from one potential wife to another. This guy better watch out, he may run out of cousins.

Classy and Charming man seeks Carp Love (biddeford)

while it's true i don't have passions... as the french say "j'ai de grands poissons". i am still interesting.

caption: poissons d'amour de dames.

Zombie Teddy Bear seeking Malice in Wonderland - 24 (Northern Lower MI)

Greetings...

Im a bit of an odd ball, I love halloween...and that in its own, labels me a goth by most. I adhere to no such claims, but also dont deny it. I am what I am, I will always be me. I will change for no one but myself, and even then, may not. Sometimes I play the gentleman card all too well, preventing me from getting the very thing im seeking. But all too often, my luck cycles round, and I get all the more of what I truely need. Perfection and desire are over rated. Sometimes the best things in life, are the smallest moments, not the big dream.

I see myself with a gentle soul, its hard to anger me. Im very passive and cynical, but when its time to stand my ground, I do with my head held high. Even if it means I take all the damage, and suffer my life.

My hobbies are a bit random. Mostly im addicted to Video games, hailed by friends and online gamers alike as a Professional Gamer, mostly at shooters (ill admit Guitar Hero Expert can still stump me). I work at a video store, which helps feed my addiction, as well as feeds my photographic memory full of movies. I love to draw, write, and do computer graphix as a muse smacks me, sometimes months apart. I love to get out into nature to see beautiful environments including forest playgrounds & midnight strolls through cemetaries. Im a nightowl and VERY nocternal, but not into bars...though sometimes yew can find me at a concert. I love all kinds of music. Country is the hardest for me to find something I can stand. Techno & Rock are my favorite.

If your curious, drop me a line. Im not seeking anything meaningless, but I offer my hand only in friendship. In hopes that I will find the one. Looking for a good girl with a dark side, who is intellegent and gifted, but not full of herself. No head games. Glasses, Piercings, Wild Hair Colors, and Tattoos are a turn on.

Halloween is Everyday.

Sun and Snow Together (Nw Mi)

Don't you just love my icon? I always feel like Ronald in the middle - just want to have fun!

Let's have fun this winter. We can do snow shoeing, snowmobiling, skiing, scramble, momopoly. Go bowling, to a movie, on a road-trip. Stay by the fire and cuddle. Will you kiss me on our first date?

Here's the deal: My 3 grand kids are with me from 5pm to 8pm, sometimes earlier. So the rest of our day is for us.

Reply to this if you have time for an adventure.

I'm an old college linebacker (football), stayed out of the army, managed a large department store, retired as a financial planner with all my cash. My hair is salt/pepper, a good-looking 6 footer, hazel eyes, can still play ball and shoot hoops, ski occasionally, shovel my driveway. Love to dance (especially the horizonal mumbo), be active, converse and write. Can we venture into new things together?

Presumptiously addressing you, I would say you are either young or old, but adventurous, agile, and adorable. Please be an elegant lady who wants to be treated as one. You like reading Mystery and Romance, but loves living both. Would rather be with Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Justin Timberlake than John Wayne, a tanned Hamilton, Nicholas Cage. Likes to tickle, discuss events, and just be silly. Rather get a room and order-in than spend time in a restaurant then get a room.

Why don't you reply soon with or without a photo. I will reply in-kind, with a cell #, so we can plan lunch, your choice of time/place. Sure beats endless emails and we get food and conversation! No winter blahs here!

eeverything that keeps me together is falling apart - 25 (the louvre)

can you help us?
not only me, but will you help yourself?
introduction to the royal treatment infused with chivalry and perfectly delightful, warm mood-cupled by distinguished good looks and a brain as sharp as a tack!
higher class leisure. fine dinner, fine conversation, plays and concerts from everything inbetween Depeche Mode to Tschaikovsky.

shimmering is my imagination, it envisions you and i sharing a bottle of French wine and holding hands as you look longingly into my blue blue blue eyes, no one is romantic like me anymore.

Are you in school and broke? - 32 (Maple shade NJ)

Are you in school and been looking at your checking/savings account saying Ouch. I have no money? Might you need some help paying off those pain in the a$$ credit cards or maybe you need some new clothes for the fall semester.
If this sounds like you, please email me with a picture and/or a full description, age and location and maybe we can scratch each others backs and help each other out

Are you the girl that should join me at Brad Paisley?

I have killer seats for the Brad Paisley concert at the Iwirelss center. Of course, the best seat in the house is always next to me! (smile) I need an equally awesome companion to accompany me to the show.
Said companion must be smarter than the average bear and easy on the eyes. She should be an engaging conversationalist and have a wicked sense of humor (of course it helps if you are really into Brad Paisley).
Send me a recent pic and an essay of 45 words or less (the fewer words the better) as to why I should choose you as my date.
Extra points given for creativity. Bribes are encouraged. ;-) And yes, that really is me in the pic! LOL.
Danny

His photo fell some where in between douchebag and tool, resembling a senior picture of a 30 year old man.

Seeking female email - 68 (Ruston LA)

Let´s get to know each other by email first. Older single male, sane,
solvent, looking.
______________________________________________

You had me at solvent or perhaps it was the rhyming title. It is all too sexy.

DickSwagga - 31 (GR)

Just online looking to satisfy a lovely lady tonight. You dont have to tell me , I know exactly what Im doing!!!!


NOTE: This was found in the women seeking women section.

Definition of "Dick Swagga"

The direction a male has to lean to either the right or left when urinating, with a free hand to maintain a constant urine flow into the toilet bowl. Every male has their own personal dick swag. EX: Last night was crazy man, I don't know what happened but I had to piss down the hall and around the corner to maintain my dick swag.

WANTED: Shallow, Arrogant, Gold digger - 23 (Kalamazoo)

If you fit these qualities I would love to chat. If you dont fit these qualities I would love to chat as well. Just trying the whole online dating thing. Im smart, good looking, and have an athletic body type. I can also fight off a black bear* in the forest if need be. If you would like to know more, send me an email and a photo(and please NO nudity-keep it classy ladies), we can chat, and possibly meet up if things go right.

ciao *previously I had something about being a "dragon slayer". I was referencing the fairy tale aspect, and was completely unaware of the slang meaning at the time.

Seasonal Girlfriend wanted! - 20 (Kalamazoo, MI)

Im seeking a woman for the winter and winter season ONLY. Put your body pillow in storage, because until those trees blossom, i'll be yours baby.


Notable: his pictures registered on my douche-radar.

BEAUTIFUL CUSTOMER SERVICE WOMAN AT MEIJERS IN PLAINWELL - m4w - 36 (PLAINWELL)

I am looking for the beautiful customer service woman at the meijers in plainwell. she has the different colored hair. wow she is hot! if you know this person pass this on to her.

* * * I'M LOOKING FOR A WIFE - ONLY * * * - 32 (baton rouge)

I'm heterosexual!........so "Gay Guys" please stop emailing me!"

I've been through many different stages in my life. From being scared to talk to girls as a teen, to one day, making a conscious decision in high school, to stop being shy. I started flirting with girls and eventually started having girlfriends.

As time went on, I wanted to be a "player" so I started "lying" in order to juggle a variety of girlfriends. Eventually I got caught a few times. I didn't like the drama that a "player" goes through so I decided to try totally different approach. I decided to start being "straight-up" with my approach. I never was the type to call a lady out of her name, even when I was living the player's lifestyle. Telling the truth was my new way getting exactly what I wanted. I was honest, funny, and lustful.

I learned that being honest was easier than running game. Also most of the women that showed attraction to my honesty was ladies who where older than me. And I was in my mid 20s. I found myself being involved with mature women who didn't play no "mind games". Thinking back..........I never had any drama with them either. They wasn't about money and material things. They just wanted a man that they were attracted to and can get along with, without trying to manipulate them.

I grew more mature through those experiences and learned what kind of woman I needed. There was a time that I swore to my mother that I would never get married, but not that has changed, along with many other testimonies The LORD has brought me through.

When I was about 27. I remember asking The LORD to help me become abstinate. I failed many many times over the years. But through CHRIST, I have succeeded 18 months and counting. It is truly a miracle! No STDs and no children and I know I didn't do it under my own strength. A whole lot of my prayers was answered. GOD has a purpose. GOD has a specific wife prepared for me.

*A wife that is "equally yoked".
*The wife who has been changed by JESUS and is Born Again.
*The wife who lives for CHRIST and His Righteousness.
*The wife who listens to Gospel Music.
*The wife who doesn't skip Church.
*The wife who understands the importance of Sound Doctrine.
*The wife who wants to study The WORD of GOD with me.
*The wife who prays everyday with me.
*The wife who cleaves to me.
*The wife who doesn't care if I have money & materials.
*The wife who has a humble spirit.
*The wife who isn't demanding to please.
*The wife who doesn't like to argue.
*The wife who doesn't drink or smoke.
*The wife who is without children.
*The wife who is mature and cherishes honest conversation.

This writing was inspired by an experience I had yesterday. I saw this beautiful lady (about my age or younger) coming out of a building I was parked in the front of. I waved and she waved and smiled. As she was walking away I thought, "Maybe I should not let this opportunity past me by". So I said "Excuse me Mam!" and she walked over to me. I politely shook her hand and introduced myself. She had a very pretty name also. I mentioned that "I don't usually stop ladies that I am attracted to, but I am attracted to you and would like to give you my phone number, since I didn't want to be rude by asking you for yours." As she was putting my number in her cell phone. My neighbors elderly mom (who I was bringing on some errands) got in the car. The "lady" mentioned that she's an aid who sits with the women that lives in the building. And said "she was going to ask my neighbors mom about me to see what I am about." I told her "If the LORD tells you to call me, then call me, if HE tells you not to call me, then don't call me. Our interaction was very respectful. We said "goodbye" and parted ways.

The last time I can remember waiting for a someone to call me was way back in high school. Now I see how yall ladies feel. It is a stressful position to be in . I would have rather her be honest and straight-up reject me, then "smile" and take my number knowing she wasn't interested. There was a time that I would have charmed my way straight into her mind and her pants. But the HOLY SPIRIT keeps convicting me. My intension wasn't "sinful". Sin is easy. I just turned down an opportunity to sin last week.

Waiting on The LORD's "chosen wife" can be trying, but it is a learning process. For now, it seems that her and I were "un-equally yoked". Still no call. I feel like I should have just kept my mouth shut and let her pass. But maybe its a blessing? She might be everything in a wife that I don't want.

Which kind of wife are you?

32,Black male,Brown Skin,5'7,175lb,Bald Cut,Stocky build,Humble

no time to say anything clever here - 40 (br)

swm

DAN *DO NOT FLAG* VERY IMPORTANT HE READS THIS! - 20 (Belmont)

Hey Dan maybe you should check your email. I think I got your girlfriend pretty dang upset right now, I told her how Jessica is over there right now and how you have been cheating on her. Man what a shame. I'm sure your ingoring her phone calls just like you are doing to mine *CHEATER* Man I hope she isn't going to break up with you. What a shame.

I have nothing but questions about this ad. Who is Dan, and why does he only read m4w ads, and not w4m?* Who posted this, and what did Dan do to them? Why is Dan ignoring his/her calls? Is Dan ignoring his/her emails, too? Is Dan's girlfriend going to break up with him? Who's Jessica? How does the poster know Dan is cheating on his girlfriend with Jessica? Why does the poster think that this ad will get Dan's attention even though he/she's already emailed, called, and likely left messages? Do they really think Dan doesn't know? So many questions for such a short ad! MAN, WHAT A SHAME.

*I checked, and this was only posted in m4w, not w4m, w4w, or m4m.

Starship Captn seeking Lady 1st Officer - 44 (NE OHIO)

Now I'm seeking 2 explore the galaxy with someone special.

I am a SBM seeking a non-smoking slim/med build lady (between 30 and 47) for a friendship that has the posibility of progressing into a LTR. I enjoy astronomy,football(Love the Browns even though they are 3-6),sci-fi,museums,amusement pks,reading military thrillers,cooking,chess,(I'm not good at it..Wanna play me??)

On our dream date, my match and I would catch a plane bound for Italy and enjoy some authentic food. Then she and I wake up from the "dream" and go to Olive Garden and maybe the Art or History museum here in town

The quirk that I appreciate in others is "quirkyness".

Something I can't live without is TIVO. It comes in handy to pause the Browns games and YOU and I need time to snuggle on the couch.

My feeling on love-at-first-sight is if it does not work the 1st time I'll walk past you a second time

I do have a photo for trade and hopefully you do also..Now its your turn...Tell me about you.....Happy Holidays

semifamous:) movie actor at luxury midtown hotel seeking DISCREET -m4w - 39 (Manhattan)

I am not George Clooney, Matt Damon famous...but I am pretty well known...chances are you have seen me in a movie or on a talk show. I get stopped on the street pretty regularly. It has been a fantasy of mine to meet a hot stranger this way and have a hot tryst with her. I mention my fame for one reason, I want this kept very discreet and you must be someone willing to keep it 100% discreet... I do NOT want to end up in the tabloids for it. (I have been in the tabloids before...but for nothing like this :) ) Therefore, you must be very discreet...great if you are married. I am staying in a very nice suite in a luxury hotel in midtown Manhattan...you can come here or if you are a reasonable cab ride away I can come to you. I am NOT going to say who I am, on this ad...but I will tell you when we talk, and you will be able to verify it. As for the basics, I tend to be on the dominant side in the bedroom. I love to tease a woman, spank her, take control. I am handsome, white, brown hair, blue eyes, medium height, medium build.

* A (non) Romantic Tale* - 42 (Lansing)

As the sun rose on the horizon Mark realized that his eyes had burned into his skull once again from staring at the damned computer screen all night again. When was he going to realize that most of the Ladies on the Internet only wanted him to join a great web site or watch them diddle themselves on a cam. He was ready to throw in the towel!

It was not that he was shy...Oh quite the opposite he was very outgoing and his friends all considered him the "Joker" of the group. He had been single for some time and due to the fact he had a 3-1/2 year old daughter to care for the club/bar scene was not exactly where he wished to look. Not that he was a prude (Lord no!) he just wanted a chance at something lasting,something Great.

He took in to account that the woman he met would have to love laughter and talking for hours on end. He also realized if she liked music it was a big plus because music made his world go round. If road trips roller coasters and concerts were also something she enjoyed it could be a match made in heaven.

did such a woman exist though..."she had to" he thought. Maybe he could find her on Craigslist! (After all he bought a great guitar from there once)Here it was his last go at the whole internet thing he was optimistic as always as he thought about what to write. should he tell them he is drama free? Not afraid to commit? Huuummm maybe he should.

As the morning continued he finished his posting and thrust it on to the Internet where it was found by...YOU! Do you want to give this a shot? Let me know!

looking for the right girl to share with wife - 26 (jackson,mi)

I am 26 years old and looking for a girlfriend to share with my wife. MY wifes 22 years old and we have two girls.I'm sterile and we woluld like a women to share our interset in. Most love childern and puppies.Sorry no pic doing this at work.IF intersted please feel free to leave me a message.

ESTABLISHED ROCK MUSICIAN FROM L.A. SEEKS NEW LOVE!! - 42 (yuma & sourunding areas)

I AM AN ESTABLISHED ROCK MUSICIAN FROM LOS ANGELES RELOCATING TO YUMA TO FINISH MY NEW ALBUM ON NOV.7TH.. I AM LOOKING FOR A PRETTY LADY TO SHOW ME AROUND & ROMANCE ME. I AM A GENTLEMAN & VERY SINCERE. PLEASE CONTACT ME IF YOU'D LIKE TO HOOK UP. I WILL GO INTO FURTHER DETAILS RE:MY CARREER & MY WORLD ONCE WE HAVE MET.

PLEASE COMPLETE ME!

CHEERS.

UNDEAD MAGE LOOKING FOR HOT UNDEAD MAGE GIRL.... - 30 (CHICO)

HEY JUST SEENING WHATS GOING ON OUT HERE. ANY LADIES OUT THERE THAT KNOWS WHAT MY TITLE MEANS, IF YOU DO HIT ME BACK. I AM NOT SOME DORK GAMER I WORK AND HAVE A NORMAL LIFE JUST LIKE YOU.

Bus driver #11 for Otsego - m4w

Just wanted to say that I enjoy seeing you drive that big bus 11 thru Otsego. You are very attractive, maybe we can email sometime.....

just me!!! - 33

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Girls really like honesty. Phfft yeah...right.... - 25 (Fargo/Moorhead)

I don't have a car.
I don't have a job.
I don't go to College.
I am poor.
I am skinny as hell.
I am boring.
I am lazy.
I am emotionally distraught by the turn of events that has been bestowed upon me.
I am suffering from many debilitating illnesses.

"But all you need is love!"

Phfft...suuuure.

The day a woman looks past material wealth and sees me for who I am? Prolly the same day as the Apocalypse.

Prove me wrong.



I am handsome, I'll never lie, cheat or steal and I'll make sure you always feel loved & wanted.



-crickets chirp-




-tumbleweed rolls by-



Well I tried.

OLD COW-POKE NEEDS SADDLE ASAP!!!! - M4W - 59 (Muskegon)

OLD COW-POKE NEEDS SADDLE ASAP!!!

Dead or Alive saddle for Steed for permanent part-time butt, a good time (VERY).
Required for temporary riding butt, may need for long term. I'ma lookin'fer a saddle that is currently owned by Fillies ONLY!!!!! My rope don't swing thatr way.

Condition as follows:
1. Gently used butt, not abused (may consid-her)
2. Must be comfortable to the touch & feel.
3. Well oiled or at least cums with container of polishing liquid.
4. Cleaned, perfumed and or powdered before or upon delivery.
5. Not ever been around smoke or been injected with non-prescribed drugs.
6. Sizes accepted: all sizes will be considered
7. Must be flexible (in more ways than one).
8. Crate must not be over 72" tall (I get vertigo)
9. Will not accept one with animal droppings or the like.
10. Prefer made in U.S.A. Others will be tested for fit.
11. If dead, I have the proper suave to revive it.
12. No more than 60 or less than 30 yrs old. Other ages will be considered.
13. Horn size: the bigger the better (I love BIG Hooters)

As always, when jumpin’ on ‘er on I always do it VERY slow and methodical as to not to hurt ‘er.

I promise that during every ride, I will treat it gently and after every use that I will
re-condition it with my own special home made treatment made from tounge-oil.

I will accept offers from Kents and Ottawa counties only.
DE-livery instructions: I can pick 'er up, meat 'er half-way. or I'd be willin' to pay C(lit) O(oral).D(dick. If a deposit is needed, I WILL provide it.
By the by they call me Slim or (re) Pete or Tex (I have a big heart 'n my steed ain't too small, neither), or Slow-Poke or Stretch or the Long Range-Her Whatever y'll call me, don't yer call me "Late fer Vittles" Jest to be clear I'm only interested in saddles owned by Fillies. So if yer not a Filly, then go back to yer own side of the fence.

No Fatties, Drunks, Republicans, or Gnarly Faced Missoula Gnomes - 32 (Missoula)

apologize whole heartedly if that hurt your feelings....but if it did...please dont respond.

I am truly looking for a very specific type of girl.

Gorgeous face a must, amazing hair a plus, hair down below preferred (no baldies), athletic or thin or normal (not average), peace loving, Dem or Lib, educated, fun loving, non drunk, loves my family, loves humor, loves not drinking every night, hates the bar, loves music, loves adventure, loves food, loves travel, forgives easily, laughs like someone that should be locked up, loves any event that gets you outside and your cheecks chilly and then inside to enjoy smiling and warming up, healthy sex drive, must like oral and have NO hangups in the bedroom-or anywhere else,be free thinking, be spiritual....

and most of all. dont be broken. Be able to fall.....

You know you have big tits when - 27 (london)

1/ You sometimes think they belong to someone else

2/ A and B (cups...) are not in your vocabulary

3/ Your alphabet starts with C, and DD is a letter in your alphabet

4/ You just can't stop saying "I said look at me in the eyes. No, up"

5/ You wear great cleavages and can't stand that men look at them in the tube or in the street

6/ You make your friends so jealous of you, even them stare at your boobs all the time

7/ Even if the rest of your body is just ok, you know you can have mainly all the men you want with you because of them

8/ You like playing with them and you wonder how much they weight

9/ Unfortunately, your back hurts a bit, but it definitely worths it

10/ You're browsing Craigslist hoping a real big tit lover will appreciate you, and not only for your big ones. Also for your sense of humour...

conservative, saved,cant seem to find, who I'm lookin for!!! 35-49 - 49 (west mi)

It seems that life is passing by, and oft times I must wonder why, my dreams and hopes are fading fast, no time to dwell upon the past........... to find the one God has for me, is really my desire, but life it seems has often had me stuck into the mire,..............................about the time I'm back on track a few more years are lost, ...its really such a pity when I think about the cost....
... Looking for a saved, conservative, bible believing,christian lady, attractive inside,out, who understands life is but a vapor, and knows the reason God has us here, PEACE

Do you like musicians??? - 37 (Lapeer)

Hello,, Hello,, Well do you like live music and like to have fun?? Then this add is for you,, cause i'm Mr. Fun. I have a great sense of humor, love kids, single for sure and all around good guy. I don't live with my mom,, i live with my Dad.. Just kidding. I'm playing at Fatboys in Lapeer Oct. 31st and Nov. !st. Holloween weekend,, so come see me ( naughty costumes encouraged ). I'll be dressed as a clown or Batman,,, I can't decide.

Craig AKA MR. Fun

Even An ATTACHED WOMAN Deserves Some Happiness - 55 (Westfield)

Divorced, Good Looking WM 55 seeking a MWF who needs some happiness in her life too. 5'9" 170# brn/brn

I am not looking for a LTR at the moment,,but who knows what will happen when we meet,,,I am looking for a woman who wants passion and lust in her life.

Please let me know,,so we can BOTH be happy.

generous guy desires to be your submissive ass licker tonight - 40 (nj)

Yes, I am for real. I am generous, white and a white collar professional. I desire to give you donation and just humbly lick your ass. I am for real. I can host or travel.

lets hook up - 36 (anchorage)

yeah.

SEEKING A CUTIE FOR POLITICAL DISCOURSE - 33 (kingsland, ga)

Hi!

So I am sure you are in the same boat as I am... Wondering how successful, intelligent, kind, and caring people find themselves in the postion we are... Searching craigslist looking for a friend...

Well don't be discouraged! There are millions of people just like us without an effective way to market ourselves (other than crappy bars or church - but who goes to church to get a date?)

Anyway.. I would love to meet a nice and intelligent person to talk to.. Maybe more, etc...

I am most eager to discuss politics:) Also, please be up to date with the financial crisis... A HUGE bonus would be if you are techie:) I got a new Iphone and need someone to show me how it works:)

ok.. so try to send a picture.. And I will certainly reciprocate..

Oh... And I am very selective on the intelligence part.. Please try to be older than 22 too.. Otherwise you probably don't have enough life experience ot make the conversation interesting! (but you could try to prove me wrong).

Cheers!

Cute Guy With Depth And Brains - 22 (Brooklyn park)

First let me say im sry this is so damn long lol!!! but really read it all or atleast skim threw most its who I am tells a lot about me and if u don’t read it all don’t bother to msg me cause that just shows you’re just fooling around and don’t care or know what u want. im a great guy and if you take the time and get to know me you wouldn’t regret it. im a dieing bread of shivery and respect and good relationship values.


im luke im a 22 year old white male from around Brooklyn park area. by far not a yo boy in anyways lol.. not a red neck but more of a country boy at heart if ya know what I mean. anyways im down to earth easy going very easy to talk to and listen very well I never judge cause its not my place to and we never know why people are the way they are and we don’t have to like them but shouldn’t judge them. so, anyways im a huge goofball but I know when to settle down and shut up, I have a HUGE sense of humor but its not to the point where I make everything a joke in life ya u know what I mean. I have a great big heart and my worst problem, im not going to lie is that I get attached to easy and most of the time I get crushed in the end, not saying im clingy or anyways crazy shit like that trust me lol, I just have a lot of love to give I guess. also im not looking to get married next week or w/e I just want to meet a sweet down to earth girl who is pretty funny very witty like I am. I love a girl who can keep up with my Sarcasm because that’s a lot of my humor and witty Sarcasm and just plain crazy goofy lol, but anyways like I was saying not looking to get married next week but I want to meet that right girl and maybe head down that way if u know what I mean. im not big headed but im very smart I like building computers and other things like dirt bikes or w/e im a hands on type of guy. by next yea I will be a cop in balitmore city then I plan to go back to school and get my degrees in criminal justice and go to state trooper and then you know move up from there. im not perfect a goody goody if that’s what ur thinking, iv had my crazy days but im not that party guy get drunk fight steal get high and w/e els I use to be thought I still to like to have fun, so im not gona be a uptight pig. I love the outdore, camping, hiking shit like that. I love dogs a lot I want a few of them cats are ok but I wouldn’t get one myself. I plan to have after years a nice wife a few kids and 2 GORGEOUS huskys and maybe a malamute as well lol.. just my dream, the way iv always seen myself growing old. umm other things im not a jesus freak don’t really go to church thought id like to at some point start going again I mean im not huge on god and stuff but I do believe in him. also I love kids there fun as hell to me cause at times im a big kid at heart so I connect well with them, and I grew up in a HUGE family with lots of little ones so iv baby sat my fare share I no how to deal with them, just refuse to change there dipers cause ewww who want touch baby doodoo that gross man. umm trying to think of something els here, im a huge cuddle freak!! I know that’s random as hell in thisd msg meaning it should be at some other part of it but just thought I should throw one in there lol. oh ok and im a big family person even thought mine sucks and don’t give 2 rats ass’s about me lol, I want a big family of my own one day and I want it to be stable and well provided for and a lot of stability because growing up I never had these things and want to give them to my family indef. like I was said b4 im not perfect I guess but I have an GOD!! an ocean of depth a world of heart and im hard to understand sometimes but I always mean well and I have a pure heart 100% and I think that’s what counts most thought I think a lot of these things being looked for died in the 40s lol, im hoping hell im praying for one more beautiful woman out there to be for me that looking for a guy like this, who I am and I bring and what I want to have... anyways if I sound like the type of guy ud like to get to know more about then msg me and send me a pic cause lets not bs looks do matter to some point ya know. and also send me a link to ur myspace and ur AIM sn and we can take it from there.. its just easyer talk from them cause who checks there e-mail like that anymore lol..

P.S: please NO LIERS AND CHEATER AND CHICKs THAT JUST LIKE TO PLAY HEAD GAMES AND GO FOR THE DRAMA B.S. NO ONE AND NO LIFE IS PERFECT BUT I WANT TO LIVE A DRAMA FREE LIFE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND HAVE NO ROOM FOR STUPID BITCHS LIKE THAT…. THANKS

P.S 2: IM NOT RITCH AND HELL I PAY BILLS AND IM BROKE 90% OF THE TIME LOOKING FOR A BETTER JOB BUT STILL DON’T WANT A WOMAN THAT NEEDS A MAN TO HAVE A RIDE AND EASY SPENDING CASH TO BE INTO HIM, THAT NOT HOW I WANT THINGS TO BE. I WILL MAKE WAY BETTER MONEY SOME DAY BUT THAT DAYS NOT TODAY AND I WANT A GIRL THAT CAN RESPECT THAT AND CARE FOR ME ANYWAYS. AND I DON’T LET WOMAN PAY FOR ME SO FORGET THAT TOO, WHEN IM MARRIED AND SPLIT THE PILLS THAT’S ONE THING BUT WELL U GET THE DRIFT IM SURE….

P.S 3: I I HAVE SOME THINGS TO SAY ABOUT HOW PEOPLE SHOULD ACT AND UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU’RE IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP. 1ST NO GOD DAMN LIEING, NO LITTLE LIES NO OH HE/SHE DON’T FIND OUT AND WONT HURT THEM LIES, NO LITTLE WHITE LIE, NO MAKING UP STORYS TO MAKE URSELF SOUND COOL, NO ENBELISHING CAUSE NO MATTER HOW SMALL YOU THINK IT IS LIEING IS LIEING AND IT MAKES PEOPLE NOT TRUST YOU BECAUSE WHERE DAS IT END AND NO ONE CAN READ YOU’RE MIND, I DON’T LIE AND I KNOW I DON’T GIVE SECOND CHANCES WHEN IT COMES TO LIEING OR CHEATING. 2ND HAVING GUY/FEMALE FRIENDS OF OPASIT SEX WHEN YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP IS JUST FINE AND NO ONE SHOULD TELL YOU WHO YOU CAN AND CANT HANG OUT WITH OR TALK TO BUT ITS VERY DISRESPECTFUL TO HANG OUT WITH THEM ALONE WITHOUT UR B/F G/F THERE BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY SHOULD TRUST YOU PEOPLE DO SHIT AND THERES FREE WILL LEVEING ROOM TO CHEAT AND THESE THINGS SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO COME UP IN A RELATINSHIP AND YOU JUST SHOULD’NT PUT UR B/F G/F W/E IN THE POSITION TO WHERE THEY MIGHT THINK OF THESE THINGS AND I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH LOVE AND TRUST THERE IS SHIT HAPPEN AGAIN WE ARE HUMAN AND NO ONE CAN REALLY TRULLY KNOW’S FOR SURE. AFTER 30 YEARS OF BEING MARRIED PEOPLE CHEAT WITH NO WARING’S HUSBANDS/WIVES NEVER NEW THERE WAS A PROB SO DON’T GIVE ME THE YOU SHOULD TRUST ME B.S CAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS BULLSHIT! AND SOMETIMES EVEN THE SOBER EYE OF REASOM MUST ASUME THE ASPECT OF HELL.. I WOUDLNT HANG OUT WITH A FEMALE ALONE WHEN IM WITH SOMONE AND I WOULDN’T DEAL WITH IT FROM YOU EATHER.. ITS JUST RESPECT NOT TRUST ISSUES..


LAST P.S Kristen i know ur reading this and anything els i most u freak nugget, just wanted to say one last time and read close and and let it sink it, FUCK YOU!!!! lol

Hershey Brown looking for White Delight

Hi my name is Moose! Im 22 and I am a senior at The University of Baltimore. I am Pre-Law! and have a PHD( pretty huge dick) I like to go out in Towson, Fed Hill, Downtown. I'm looking for nothing serious right now. But if the right girl comes around i'm willing to take it long term. If you are interested in meeting up or hooking up please send a picture with your email! No crazies and no guys!! No virgins unless you are really really hot, and amazing with your mouth!


PhD? PHD? Roflmao.

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - 24 (Towson/Jarrettsville)

Well I am open to all races as long as you are BEAUTIFUL.For some it is good for a change because they are stuck with the usual.You know people are caught up with the daily grind so they just tend to get boring and become plain.Besides who wants to see the same person each and every week. This creates a block and limits your capability.You start to think this is all I am capable of intill someone forces me to change or makes me see something differnt.Everybody is powerful in there own way they just have to be able to use it.That's why seeing someone diifernt no matter what there enthniticity is it's always good.People talk about what they always want but the fact is what can they bring to the table.For me I just like to have fun at this point in my life. It is good if you know at first what the other perons objective is. This creates and understanding leaving no room for error.Everybody wants to be happy and basically that's what i consider having fun.Now lets get to the important information, I am a sexy african american who happens to be highly confident, I always bring people up around me. I dont hang out with broke people, why if i did that would mean I am trying to be broke. I surround myself with wise men because I am one of them. Atleast I can say all of my friends have something outstanding about there character which tells something about me. I love the finer things in life I cant lie I grew up nice but i have seen more thant the above average person all sides of life.Some have only experienced one side so often they become biased which in some cases it is not there fault but they just dont know any better. This is why I am extrodinary I have seen every perspective there is to see, that's why I am on a mission I have alot of things that i am doing right now.I am setting myself up for the perfect shot therfore I wont miss any point that are owed to me. I am 5'8 light skinned I love to look good and everyone always says that I dress to impress. Which is true I impress myself and then comes you lol. It feels good to look nice. Your appearance is like an introduction, it determines if someone is going to read your book or just throw it back on the shelp with the rest of them.The fact is words can't explain me and whoever is reading this and got this far is obviously intersted and would like to see a picture of Me. I would love to send it.I only want serious women or more easily said women who know what they want as i said earlier this will elimate alot of errors which i dont have time for.I dont have time to figure out what you want you have to tell me how you want it. And you will get it even better, surprising huh.

Seriously, why? - 22 (Chicago / Vernon Hills)

Is it really this hard to meet someone? I'm not asking for much in a woman, am I?

What I'm looking for a is a woman who will, this might sound odd, treat me right. I want a woman who wants to be with me, not someone who leaves me to my own devices, I want the woman to be able to make me feel special, make me feel that I'm their everything. This might sound odd to a few females out there, but I want a woman who will be clingy and doesn't mind being clung onto either. In the end, even though I don't have any experience with women, I know this is what I want in a relationship because of the things that have happened in my life.

About me...
Well, I'm a 22 year old chinese male about to graduate from DePaul University with a major in finance. I currently live by myself in Chinatown and I think it's finally started to get to me, the fact that I don't always want to be alone even though I am the loner type.

I have a bad history with my family, but no matter what I try to keep it close with them. Even if I am sometimes singled out because I just don't seem to fit in with any of them.

In the sex area, I want a woman who does have an appetite and at the same time is willing to show me around the ropes. This might seem like a "wow" thing to you, but I am one of the few 22 year old male virgins out there. I don't mind that people know that, in fact the main reason why I am a virgin is because I haven't been able to find anyone important enough to me in my life to be with in that way. If I had to put my experience on a scale of 1-10, it'd probably be a 0. In reality, I just need the woman to have an active libido and at the same time have patience with me.

I do get jealous quite easily, but that's only because of my insecurities. The main reason why I want a woman who will make me feel like I am the only one for her. I want the woman to be able to communicate with me and not just tell me to "go away" if she's mad, but instead to actually talk it out. Don't fume by yourself, let me be there for you.

I guess there's really not much else to say. I've said quite a bit I suppose, well I guess if you have anymore questions, just email me with the address shown above. Reply back with anything you want and I'll reply back and we'll just go from there

Sponge Bob Square Pants has all the traits of the perfect woman - 36 (Cascade Errr.. Bikini Bottom)

I wrote this a few weeks ago, and I wasn’t sure what to do with it, or perhaps what to make of myself. This looks like the place. Here you go Craigslisters, I present my arguments, in bullet form, why Spongebob Square pants is the perfect girl.


1. He’s low maintenance. No matter what happens to him, he never needs validation from anyone, for anything. He never asks Patrick to tell him who he is, never uses his friction with Squidward to bolster his own ego. All his energy is focused outward, albeit usually with mixed (and hilarious) results. He never complains about those results either, just trudges ahead with blind, infectious optimism.


2. He’s a good cook. In fact, he makes unquestionably the best burger in Bikini Bottom. People come from everywhere to the Crab Shack for one of his Crabby Patties. How rare is a girl who can cook, and enjoys it?


3. He lives in a pineapple. Imagine having crazy sex in a giant pineapple. All that gooey, sweet, sugary awesomeness providing both full body lubrication and a certain fun kinkiness. Sex inside almost anything else wouldn’t be anywhere as much fun. An orange would sting. A tomato would stain. While we’re on the subject, do you want variety in your lovin? He’s got HUNDREDS of holes, and he’s not shy about himself or hung up in any way. He also plays dress up. Weekly. And usually twice on Saturday mornings.


4. He’s comfortable with his job. Mr. Crab pays him shit and he cares, never bitches. Never comes home and says to his pet snail “if that dude Squidward don’t get off my ass, I’m gonna kill him!” The pineapple is a harmonious place because Spongebob checks that shit at the door.


5. He manages his emotions. We’ve all seen Spongebob flip out. We’ve all seen chicks flip out. The difference is that Spongebob Squarepants STAYS FOCUSED. He may explode. His eyes may shrivel up like raisins. He might pull off his own legs and arms and beat himself with them in total panic and frustration. He never loses sight of what he’s flipping out ABOUT, though. Every girl I’ve ever met starts out being mad about the dish I just broke, or the amount of beer I may have drunk at her family reunion (we all need help through the hard times, my Lord, my Lord) but 15 minutes later it’s why haven’t we bought a house yet, why aren’t I home more, why aren’t I home less, why aren’t I more communicative, and what about those boobs I was staring at back in May of 2002. Do ya feel me, boys?


6. He’s devoted. Patrick is an idiot, but he finds a way to relate and have fun. Mr. Crabs is a jerk, but he gets past it and has a healthy work ethic. He’s maintained a healthy platonic relationship with a displaced female squirrel. Even Squidward, despite all his efforts to the contrary, has a neighbor he can count on any time day or night. (Aside: Squidward is a douche bag for not recognizing this)


7. He knows how to have a good time. Boy does he ever. He likes eating contests, farts, TV, singing, hiking, playing with his body, sports (did you see the snail race? better than Hoosiers), and just generally acting stupid and laughing about it. I’m telling you, he’s got to be totally awesome to hang out with.


8. He’s comfortable with his body. So he’s not the ideal shape. He’s a square. But he never complains. You’ll never hear the phrase “height-weight proportional” uttered from those yellow lips (anyway his height-weight proportion is geometrically perfect, a fact which I am sure can be proven mathematically). He don’t give a shit. He just buys the right clothes (square) and looks great and that’s the end of it. No endless questioning about why the universe shaped him the way he is. No internal battles. Just a simple square man with a healthy simple outlook.


9. He’s a virgin (I’d bet). You say experience means everything? I say bullshit. Comfort and communication trump experience every time. Working at your sex life is only possible in a situation dominated by these two traits and amplified by a sense of adventure. Spongebob has always demonstrated these characteristics. Now, what do you want? A willing accomplice or the trick somebody else taught?


10. He doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs. Actually, I do enjoy the occasional cocktail or three and back in the day, as you may have guessed, I have been known to puff it down a little and watch shows like, say, Spongebob Squarepants (WTF, what did you do this morning that was so important, Ms. Smartypants?), but the thing about our man Bob is that theses things don’t rule his life, and couldn’t you just imagine that first date at a bar? Somehow the idea of kicking two shots of Makers Mark back with Spongebob Squarepants is totally mesmerizing. You think he’d sit there and bitch about his exes? No way. He’s much more a load up the jukebox and kick up his heels on the bar kind of guy. He’ll take his lumps for it (case in point, the Motorhead bar in the movie, where the fascist biker dudes kick his ass but he comes out grinning) but I bet the night would be hilarious. Imagine him pulling in a big drag and blowing it out all his orifices. Imagine him talking to that drunken barfly you always see and making that old bitch laugh. You’d get to do all this shit with him for the first time.


11. He demonstrates good parenting skills. Did you see the episode where Spongebob and Patrick find a lost baby scallop and decide to raise it as their own? No?!? Well, allow me to elucidate. Patrick takes on the male role and he sucks at it. He sneaks off all day and night to watch TV at home while Spongebob, as the mother figure (complete with apron and heels), holds the family together. He does all the cooking, cleaning and baby-raising, all the while carrying an admittedly strained smile on his face. Not to say I’m looking for a wife to do it all and let me watch TV, it’s just that he demonstrates such strength and good humor. The episode ends with a happy, well-adjusted scallop flying off (?) into the sea-sky and a presumably happy well-adjusted scallop life. It’s not that Spongebob might make a good mom. Spongebob is a good mom.



There, I put it out there AND..... I Feel better, (I'll probably only get responses from huge bull dykes with nothing better to do?) I’m sure I’ve sabotaged my e-mail account, but I wanted to do it. I’m in love, and people in love do and say stupid shit. Here's to the hope that someone literate and twisted (like me) will find the humor, irony and insite into what I've just written and respond in kind.

CHEERS

The Bears r who we thought they were !!!!!!!!!! - 27

But They R Who WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!!!!!!!!! and we let em off the hook!!!!!!!!


weirdest coach rant ever
roflmaol

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am single Caucasian guy, 28 I am about 5 feet 10 170 and in pretty good shape. I am hoping to find a date for this Thursday or Friday. I am not into endless e-chatter - I would rather meet you and get to know you over drinks or some dinner.

Hope to hear from you! Your pic gets mine.


I dont go for the obsessively skinny or tall types that count calories and throw up dinner usually they tend to fit into a annoying pattern--to me healthy is sexy healthy being busty nice hips round bottom and nice thighed but not overweight dont misconstrue me i dont mean to be cras its just a delicate area between voluptous to big boned to overweight to sloppy i guess the cut off point for over would be if youre waist is more than 39 inches and arms are 14 iches or if youre figure resembles a pear more than jessica rabbit i just dont want to be mean if you email pleez have a realistic idea of yourself


and if youre a female bodybuilder thats ok as long as youre muscles arent bigger than mine

ps pleez dont just email me to compliment my ad or make lil existentialchit chat theres forums for that purpose and my goal here is to only alleviate some loneliness--- and homosexual replies will be forwarded to a homophobic zeolot friend of mine where you dont want to know what he'll do to youre email address---- thats bout it for now-------- MAN DOES MY LIFE SUCK !!!!!!

Spunky guy and adorable kittens inside! - 22 (Ithaca)

Not enough people use the word spunky any more, so I'm going for it. I'm also a bit of a nerd.

I'm a *cough*spunky*cough* 22 year old recent grad student that loves getting out and having a good time. This past weekend, I went to a great concert, partied with some good friends, climbed around a waterfall, and skipped a few stones to boot.

I'm posting on here because I the only thing missing in that wonderful weekend was a cute lady to spend it with. It's weird, I've enjoyed the single life for a little while, by choice, but I've suddenly felt the urge to start dating again. I want to take you out for dinner and a drink, I want to curl up to a good movie afterwords, and I want to kiss you all night long.

I believe chivalry still exists, as well as foreplay. I'm not a super sexy athlete, but I'm not a loaf either. I'm 6 ft, so I tend to go for a tiny girl to hold. I need you to be sweet, sexy, and fun-loving too. Please, no trashy girls, no uneducated girls with ebonic slang, no demolition derby girls, no nut-cases, oh, and no dudes. I hope that's not too much to ask.

I'm a tad shy at first personally, but I hope you're not. Drop me a line and I'll open right up. Oh, and here's the adorable kitten I promised you :-)

Cut out that rotten spot and eat the rest - 55 (Utica slums)

Looking for a wonderful gal that enjoys short walks out to the clothes line to take in clothes (that are still wet) just before a thunder storm

That enjoys long rides in our 1980 Dodge Aspen with flapping in the breeze rusted front fenders

That loves to make love under the stars because we just got evicted from our house because of nonpayment of our mortagage

And loves being naked in public because all of our clothes are in the house we can no longer access with the locks now having been changed

If all of this sounds like fun, contact me ASAP

I offer myself, no financial security, and a nasty extra sharp cheese addiction

Other inducements , being what they are, are listed below.

The inducements are pictures of this man holding hot mustard packets, quarters, and a banana.

Prince Charming,, Is Still Lost.. without his Princess - 24 (Utica/Herkimer)

Hello, actually Id never post one of these but I thought this week Id live a little,, Im turning 25 in 8 days and it seems like the world is not slowing down, Im a young buisness owner, running a small but very growing advertising company, basically looking for someone to come home to and hold, watch a movie and just relax with.. if this is something your intrested in doing even as just friends feel free to give me a shout, Im always intrested in making new friends/ Its not all about sex in my life, "just to clear that up"


have a great day and looking forward to hearing from you


We have a policy of not including people's personal photos, but I think it's notable that this young business owner posted two photos of himself: one myspace-sex photo (naked. mirror. possibly taken with a camera phone?) and another with multiple America flag bandannas labeled "Boilermaker Roadrace."

***Girlfriend potential test*** - 33 (Minot)

Instructions: Please answer the questions below as directed in each section. You will be marked for grammar, spelling, cleverness, creativity and boob-size. Please keep in mind that while this is not an application for a job, your performance on this test will be a reflection of your ability to achieve certain positions once out in the real world. When the clock strikes the hour, you may begin. You have sixty minutes to complete the test.


Section One: Multiple Choice (Answer All, 5 points)

When submitting answers via email, please copy and paste the question and then your answer selection beside it.

Q1. Six months into our relationship, I go away to a tropical location with my family for a week over Christmas. This vacation was planned as a family event two years prior to meeting you. This is:
a) A great opportunity to get some things done without me around.
b) A great opportunity to attempt to sleep with my college roommate and/or my boss.
c) A sign that you are probably just a casual thing that I could toss aside at any given moment despite the fact I bought you probably the most thoughtful gift you've ever received and written you a letter for every day that I'll be gone, inciting you to 'Go on the Defensive.'
d) Occasion to have a sexy dinner at home the night before I leave, and a mini 'welcome home' party when I get back that’s guest list is just you, me, a bottle of wine and a pack of condoms.

Q2. We've talked every night for eight days (not including the dinner/opera show I took you to on Saturday night that was followed by possibly your worst performance in bed ever, or the Monday night that I came over and we spent the evening making Rachel Ray recipes and watching Heroes followed by the best oral sex I've ever given you), with conversation time averaging about an hour per night. On a Thursday night, when on a deadline, I express a need to get off the phone so I can finish some work and go to bed at a reasonable hour. You:
a) Express your feelings of devotion in three words or less, then and quickly say goodbye after confirming plans for tomorrow night are still on.
b) Say goodbye, but then immediately begin talking about something that we hadn't discussed as thoroughly as is scientifically, legally or religiously possible two nights prior.
c) Take that as a sign that I'm abandoning you, and begin to point out that because of it I have commitment issues, that you're clearly not my priority, and then cry.
d) Say goodbye, but manage to do it with such menace and venom that I stay on the phone for another three silence filled hours, broken only by fits of gentle weeping and suicide threats.

Q3. I'm throwing change at your cleavage, which is readily on display in that loose fitting tank top you wear around my place on Sundays after brunch. Do you:
a) Wing the largest of the coins at my head, with an evil glare and then refuse to speak to me for the rest of the day.
b) Encourage my behavior, and allow me to purchase Afternoon Delights from you at discount prices.
c) Cry.
d) Cry and pick a fight with me, taking my actions as a total lack of respect for you and then begin to point out that because of it I have commitment issues, that you're clearly not my priority, and then cry some more.


Q4. We're having a fight. You:
a) Throw me out of your apartment, then thirty minutes later send 17 texts and attempt to call 13 times in the space of six minutes.
b) Give me space when the discussion gets too heated for rational thought, and redress your complaints in a calm manner when we've both had a chance to cool down.
c) Flip me the bird.
d) Wail on my junk.
e) both c and d
f) realize that the fight is about nothing, and begin creating fictional problems and make wild accusations about my obsession with material goods and having a wandering eye.
g) f, then d, then c.

Q5. I play [video games OR tabletop gaming OR fantasy football]. You:
a) Want to join in, because it looks like hella fun.
b) Leave me to it, in the hopes that I'll leave you a few things to participate in on your own.
c) Attempt to get me to quit, and use tactics like nagging, vandalism and emotional sabotage as an effective campaign against what you call my 'nerdy addiction.'
d) c, but also include deriding me to your friends.


Section Two: True or False (Answer All, 10 points)

When submitting answers via email, please copy and paste the question and then your answer selection beside it.

Q1. Rationale and Reason are the same thing.

Q2. A cheerleader AND/OR schoolgirl outfit is a wardrobe must.

Q3. Talking in your 'cute voice' just before you put my balls in my mouth is sexy.

Q4. Learning body language and communication cues is important.

Q5. 'Anchorman' and 'Superbad' are hilarious movies.

Q6. "But it's cute when I do it" should be a legally viable defense.

Q7. Chest hair is gross.

Q8. Bono is probably the most important political figure of our generation.

Q9. Sex is an important part of a relationship, and should be had frequently, often, whenever possible - within moderation, of course.

Q10. A relationship is metaphorically a two way street. So is your butt.


Section Three: Short Essay. (Answer ONE, 5 points)

Please select one of the following questions and answer it as fully as time will allow. Please try and be as descriptive as possible, and where applicable, come up with at least TWO convincing arguments to support your case. Arguments must be backed up with cited evidence, not anecdotal perspective.


Q1. If I was a crime-fighting vigilante by night, what efforts would you make to support my cause about the rising threat of evil in this city?

Q2. Please come up with a convincing game-plan for having me come shopping with you, keeping in mind my retail oriented attention span is about twelve minutes, and I am prone to wandering after flashing lights and shiny things.

Q3. Please argue why you are (do) or are not (do not): 'Down to Earth', 'Have a sense of humor' and 'Laid back'. Bonus if you can include evidence to confirm that you truly do avoid 'head games.'

Please submit answers via the email link provided. Please also keep a copy of this test and your answers to submit to future suitors for reference. Remember to ensure your name, number and bra size are clearly written at the top of your paper, and don't forget to attach a photo (3/4 length or full).