30 September 2008

Are you still in love with your ex ? I am ! maybe we... - 25 (Lexington)

Maybe we can be a distraction for each other or something.
Hell I do not know what to do anymore
I know I do not want to be alone, I know that
I know I do not want to sit at the house and think about it either

So it's cool with me if you still love someone else
It's cool with me if you want them back
Cause that's how I feel so... Lets hangout,
distract each other for a moment

I am open for ideas



Must be attractive!!!

I AM CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT SEX I CANT GET ENOUGH I ALSO HAVE HERPE - 24 (WASILLA BY WALMART)

I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND IN THE BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE . I AM VERY CONFIDENT WITH THE WAY I LOOK SO I LOOK FOR THAT IN A SEX PARTNER ONE THING THAT I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IS THAT I HAVE HERPES SO IF YOU HAVE HERPES AND YOUR INTERESTED IN SOME DISCREET FUN LEMME KNOW AND WE CAN EXCHANGE PICS

The CAPS lends a certain sense of urgency to his offer for discreet sex, no?

27 September 2008

I only ate one bite of the funnel cake - 35 (Midtown)

Im new to the hole CRAIGLIST thing,but just lookin for a great women to get to know,please no drama. I enjoy going out, I dont drink as of 40 days ago,but dont mind someone that does as long as its not 20 drinks in one sitting. Im super easy going,I enjoy live music, I go to alot of shows. I love to travel. I go to estate sales, thrift stores are fun too! Im going back to school next year to be a teacher. I well trade pictures if your interested. Im tall,blue eyes,and love to laugh. THATS all im sayin for now,...

The competition for Boobs

I accessed the search function on Craigslist for the word "boobs" because I admire them on women. Much to my surprise, many of the responses were from women that were interested in boobs too.

Well guys, you have your competition, not only other guys,.....But other women!

Many women advertise for tall men in their ads. Well, I am looking for a woman who's smart and top heavy. It's a devastating combination for me. It gives me someone to share my life, observations, sorrows and joys. It also gives me someone I am physically attracted to. Wow, isn't that the ideal combination?

Do you think it's impossible? Well, in general, we are told that the Barbie types are glamorous. Have you ever noticed these malnourished individuals are always featured at the grocery check out counter? Have you ever noticed that the busty types are only featured in comedies? What a crock! Suzanne Summers, played a blond chesty air-head on TV, now has a nutrition book that's currently #2 on the New York Times Best Seller list.

So, if your bra size is larger than the 4th letter of the alphabet and you think you are smarter than a 5th grader, I would really like to know you.

For real?...Yes! Players, marrieds, and other riff/raff.......Get Lost!

Genital Warts here any takers?? - m4w - 29 (yuba-sutter)

Any girls out there with the same problem?

The ugliest guy you have ever seen. - 38 (Marysville)

I am a triple bagger! the third one is for you just in case both mine come off. any women like 'em butt ugly?



Tired of paying rent, Want a man like me? - 49 (stilwell,ok)

Hello, Want to share life with me? I know what I want and working to make it happen. Here's the deal. I own a old country home in Oklahoma, friends say my home has a comfortable feeling... I Live alone with no baggage.

If you are alone, want a man and tired of paying rent then check me out. I want 2 or 3 ladies who are okay with this to share our lives together. You will find me a nice kind caring man . I raise animals, grow a garden, my business is online sales, I am a jack of all trades type man. With me you will have clean roof over your head, security, healthy foods, good movies, internet, sex, some travel, auction, shopping and Pets. I am very laid back. Lets build a lifetime of laughter friendship and love. My lifestyle healthy living, quite life. We could go to auction, to the lakes, go fishing, travel, dine out and visit nice places or sit home and watch a movie. You will find I am always working on some project and have the love of learning new things. The life I want to live is with very smart kind women. We become a kind and loving family enjoying a lifetime together where there is kindness, loving and harmony in our family. My photos. One without beard taken a few days ago. The beard is gone now. You chose, beard or no beard. What do you think about all this?

23 September 2008

Hot nice guy is a monster in the sack - 31 (Manhattan)

Okay, so, I'm not actually a guy, but I'm playing matchmaker and posting this ad for my friend. He's SWM, 5'9", 200 lbs, a total sweetie-head and an absolutely fantastic lover. (It was a friends-with-benefits kinda thing awhile back.) But he has no skill when actually talking to girls and it breaks my heart--he could make some lucky girl really happy. Email me if you'd like to chat, come out and grab a beer and 'accidentally' meet up with him!

I would put money down that this "poster" does not exist, just a 5'9" SWM, 200 lbs.

no red heads

hi looking for w /m if this you im here ,60 230,6ft

Looking for my frumpy girl - 32 (Chicago, IL)

I'm looking for my girl. My #1. My other half. My sex godess. The mother of my kids (born and not yet born).

She should be between the ages of 28 and 29. She should go by such names as Amanda, Mandy, Amanda Holly, Mandy Holly, Hotness, Mommy, Manna, Mamamamamama, and frumpy girl.

She should be able to cook (but never be inclined to do so).

She should like to clean (but never hit the stuff that really needs to get done).

She should be well-versed at how to treat soiled clothing (so someone else can wash them later).

She should be willing to sell her body to pay for a new dishwasher.

She should be sexually motivated even when she's pregnant, sick, pregnant and sick, sick when she's thinking about being pregnant, pregnant when she's thinking about being sick, and any other time, too.

She should enjoy and miss the humor and wrongness that comes from the/my inevitable bad gas.

She should be forgetful.

She should be able to pretend that she cant tell when I'm having a bad day.

She should look hot when she's - just waking up, just going to sleep, any time in between, when she gets out of the shower, when she needs to take a shower, etc.

She should look hot in whatever stage of fatness, lean-ness or fitness she currently occupies.

She should loudly complain about the things that she knows she cant change and quietly enjoy the things that change in her favor.

She should stop being so damn far away from me.

She should miss me as much as I miss her.

She should marry me sometime soon and make an honest man out of me (for once).

She should look just like this girl below

and she should call me tomorrow

I'm not including the pictures he added, of a woman and a baby who I'm guessing are his old flame and baby. Also - She is familiar with cleaning soiled clothing. Is this a baby thing, or is he trying to say something? Discuss.

20 September 2008

Top 50 reasons to date me - 32 (Grand Rapids)

TOP FIFTY REASONS TO DATE ME

Hello! Are you a reasonably attractive, physically fit female aged 23-33, residing in the Grand Rapids area? Then I have a deal for you!

One adult human male -- a prime specimen -- is now available for your every pleasure. In no particular order, herewith the top 50 reasons why I'm such a great catch:

1. Very low maintenance and zero drama.
2. Manners? I always hold the door and can even differentiate tableware.
3. I actually listen when people talk to me. Even women, and even when they use "the voice."
4. I'm not pushy, especially with regard to physical intimacy. What happens, happens.
5. Going to an out-of-the-way ethnic restaurant or upscale dining establishment is usually preferable to the same-old chain stuff.
6. I go to the gym regularly, mostly to run.
7. I'll give you a hug and wipe your tears when you need to cry.
8. I dance like an epileptic cat being beaten with an electric cattle prod, but that doesn't stop me from trying.
9. I'm 32, 5'10", about 170 lbs., with brown hair, greenish eyes, and a dignified Roman nose.
10. What, me, sarcastic? Perish the thought. I'm more of a "dry wit" or "bad pun" sort of fellow.
11. I never, never, never use personal preferences as a wedge in a relationship.
12. A good Catholic boy, I go to church on Sunday and even volunteer in various liturgical ministries for my home parish and for the diocese.
13. A goal for this winter -- to actually finish the novel I've got half-written.
14. No drugs, no diseases, no smoking. Almost never drink to excess. Oh, and wine > beer.
15. Seriously, packing up for a spontaneous three-day trip, with no itinerary, rocks.
16. I actually ENJOY talking about our relationship. It keeps things on an even keel and avoids the need for volcanic eruptions of misplaced anger or the pain of mismatched expectations.
17. Perfection: Sitting at the end of the pier in Grand Haven, watching the sun set over Lake Michigan, wrapped in silent embrace.
18. I shower, religiously.
19. Sports ... I'd rather DO than WATCH. So don't bore me with the minutiae of sports stats.
20. I drive aggressively, except when it freaks you out. Then I'll just give you a blindfold. I do, after all, have a perfect safety record on the road. So stop whining and hold on.
21. I cook. I bake. I clean. Except, I have a visceral hatred for laundry, for some reason.
22. No tats or piercings, although I'm opposed to neither.
23. I fix things.
24. I'm my own person, and expect that you are, too. Codependency blows.
25. Animals ... I grew up with dogs, cats, birds, fish, horses -- and like them all. Even snakes and tarantulas, although I don't have any. That nothwithstanding, I don't really understand the point of small dogs.
26. Staying current on the news is important to me. See #35 for rationale.
27. If an evildoer attempts to thwart you, I'll use my martial-arts skills to save the day. Unless, of course, you prefer to kick his ass yourself. Which would be *way* sexy.
28. Emotional intimacy turns me on. Healthy emotional intimacy drives me wild.
29. I'm in perfect physical health.
30. Logic and rationality are my bread and butter.
31. Pair-bonding is significant. I'll always, ALWAYS have your back. No exceptions. Ever.
32. Not only am I an ethical person, but I have an honest-to-goodness college degree in moral philosophy.
33. I won't screen your calls just because I'm busy. Only if I have my ringer off. Which happens a lot. Sorry!
34. I like children and want some of my own.
35. Meaningful conversation is the highest form of casual human social activity, so I try to keep in practice.
36. I understand that sustained, gentle touching to places other than the genitals is almost always more erotic than just throwing it in for 3.5 minutes and falling asleep. And no, I'm not a 3.5-minute wonder.
37. Yes, I actually ENJOY the symphony, ballet, shows, museums, and other sources of culture and high art. Honest. In fact, I prefer them to the same-old bar/club scene.
38. I sorta play the piano. I even sing (albeit like an American Idol day-one reject).
39. By the time I turn 40, I will have visited every continent at least once. Perhaps even Antarctica.
40. I work as a health-care statistician by day, and as a freelance writer by night. Unfortunately, neither job supplies me with a cool superhero uniform.
41. You have male friends? Cool. I have female friends (several close ones, in fact).
42. Mediocrity and risk aversion bore me.
43. I read frequently. And write frequently. Fluently, in English, and not-so-fluently, in Latin. And I'm something of a grammar nazi, but I try not to be too annoying about it.
44. Yes, I really am secure in my manhood. I've dated some very beautiful and smart women in my time, and it usually ends quite amicably. Oh, and I'm bisexual, and have dated some phenomenal men, too. I know who I am, and what I'm worth, and am in no mood to settle.
45. I actually notice when you do something different with your hair.
46. I leave big tips and round to the nearest dollar. Seriously ... leaving coin for the server? Lame.
47. Sending flowers to your office for no formal reason makes me happy.
48. I blog for fun.
49. I feel funny when I can't hold your bags while shopping.
50. You appreciate and understand that the inflated self-importance on display in this ad is merely a tactic designed to differentiate me from the unimaginative, boring guys here, and is in no way a true reflection of the actual size of my ego.

Hurry, supplies are limited -- grab me while I'm still available! Limited manufacturer's warranty available for a small extra charge. Satisfaction guaranteed or the first date is free.

17 September 2008

Lookin 4 my bust-it-babe! - 19 (Gun Rule)

Wutz crackin ladies, ya boi is lookin 4 a fine sexy thang that i can trust, no cheaters, and exspecially NO JUMPOFF'S. But this is how i break down, im 6'0'' 240lbs. white. so if u interested holla at ya boi. 2 give u an image of wut i look like picture paul wall.

NOTE:
-He states his location as being Gun Rule, apparently that is slang for Grand Rapids.
-He was too lazy to even copy/paste a picture of Paul Wall.

http://api.ning.com/files/QKtAe0kBjnn5tHCv7LTfpyirfjmAN7QH-UTspi*ygYJKSpcSC9nKZbXW6bbr9jbDq72UMoQSkcCl4FvPEdX*fcAJ4*oLaJrI/PaulWallTexas.jpg

15 September 2008

Uuuuuhhhhuuhhuhh.... Hey, baby.... - 22 (Idaho Falls)

Okay, if you clicked then you PROBABLY realize that the title was a joke. Okay, let's face it, I'm drunk, horny, and bored out of my frickin' mind and looking for somebody to talk to. Can't drive, legally blind, other than that brown hair, blue eyes, five-nine, regular guy. Good looking, at least, that's what I've been told, so email me if you want to kick-it (or whatever...). Late.




The Girl Friend Application+ - 21 (South Eastern Idaho )

Hello thank you for looking

ok Im tired of this being alone stuff spending a
friday or saturday night alone really sucks.
So Im coming to Craigs List to give it a try.
Yeah Im alittle/alot shy at first but I open up when
you give me a chance. I cannot stand rude,selfish,mean
people so if your like that no thanks.
To make this interesting & fun
(im not try to make a joke out of this)
Ive come up with a THE GIRL FRIEND Application
please copy paste fill out and send it to me.
Please send a pic as well. All I ask is for
your honesty. I will send you my aswners once I get yours.
I am looking for a long-term serious relationship but also
a friend :). I consider myself a good listener,very romantic ok
a very hopeless romantic sometimes, respectful,kind,& cuddle-able.
Ive kinda had bad luck in relationships but still optimistic.


Wow this is long lol I hope to hear from you soon.



+ THE GIRL FRIEND APPLICATION +



=Name:

=Age:

=Current City of Residence:

=Hometown/Home state:

=Currently Employed: Yes or No ?

=Current Education status/College or univ.?:

=MATERIAL STATUS:

-Single & seeking long term boyfriend relationship-
-Just Single seeking whatever the future holds
-Its Confusing-
-Divorced-
*Note Please no married ladies

=Favorite Music:
Country
Hip and the Hop
Rock Rock Rock
Classical
Oldies

=Religion?:

=Life Goals:

=Please describe your prefect date?:

=Please describe your dream first kiss?:

=Please describe what is love to you?:




Thank you for your time

10 September 2008

OMG - I'M SORRY GUYS!

Lauren and I have FAILED YOU. We missed this amazing add in the tv jobs! Luckily, some people are better at us than finding things, so, here for your enjoyment, thanks to videogum, is:

09 September 2008

ISO Tall, natural blonde, large busted Asian woman - 38 (SW GR)

Is she out there LOL! Seriously, I have a few musts, and they are:

1. Sense of humor. Not the "I laugh at jokes" sense of humor, the "My friends say I should do stand up" sense of humor.

2. Intelligence. I don't care if you have a "Degree" to prove it, or are up for an "Einstein Think-a-like Award", but a brain is essential.

3. Height / weight proportionate. Sorry, but if you are 5'6 and 200+ lbs, you do not "carry it well"! And even though I am 6'4, 210 lbs, neither do I.

4. Open minded. If you have been spoon fed your beliefs since childhood and never ventured out to question them on your own, you are not open minded.

5. Ambitious. F the nay sayers and go after your dreams. Though "9 to 5" is your routine right now, it has no bearing on your future.

Now for my can't stands:

1. Jealousy. If you are the type of woman that would buy clothes for your man out of the "Make my man look as gay and unattractive to other women as possible" catalogue, move on.

2. "Lifetime Channel" women. If you've been brainwashed by that channel to believe all men are jerks, why are you reading our ads?

3. Sado-masochist, man hating, chainsaw weilding, midget tossing loving, bearded Rosie O'Donnell look-a-likes. Nuff said. [OMG- AMAZING]

So if you think you can toe the line between my likes and dislikes, drop me a line!

Looking to expand my family - 28 (Richland, MI)

Hello,

I'm a 28 year old professional. I have a woman that I consider my wife, and a son. However, we have discussed adding another wife to our family. We both want more children, and she doesn't want to bear anymore herself. She is also a professional. We are interested in plural marriage, but we are not child molestors, not morman, and we think we aren't crazy. It just makes more sense to have 3 adults working together in a family unit than it does to have just 2. We are not looking for anyone over 35, and We are not looking for anyone who is very young. You must get along as well with my wife as you do with me, and vice versa.

We are being very real, and are just looking out there to see if we can share our love with someone else.

07 September 2008

Looking to SUCK some COCK tonight - stopping in Toledo from business - m4m - 27

SUP GUYS.
I am heading home from a business trip and will be making a quick stop at the Adult Pleasures on north Detroit to suck some hot willing cock through the gloryholes there.


CUM ONE CUM ALL -- the bigger the meat the better!!


DRAIN you MEAT down my THROAT!! Able to DEEP THROAT up to 9 inches, but more than willing to try bigger cock ...


LOVE THE DARK MEAT TOO --- black or hispanic cock given special treatment.



Will be sucking cock from about 10-midnight - SATURDAY NIGHT ONLY 10pm-Midnight

I'll be waiting for you!








Stuck at home with a broken foot =( - VEGAS

I am an idiot, I crashed my motorcycle (my fault), broke my foot and now I am watching a movie because I can't go out and do anything. I would like to chat with someone interesting. So ask my a crazy question or something. I am on AIM themanispost.


WORTH NOTING: this poster included not only some pictures of himself sitting around and fooling around with a girl, but HIS HOME ADDRESS AS WELL. Can you say 'plz rob me?'

Need some nude house cleaning - m4w - 32 (HBG)

Looking to get some cleaning done tonight and would love to have a sexy maid help me out.

05 September 2008

Hornly and lonly, you never regret - 24 (Cairo)

a reason NOT to visit Portage

Its been awhile! (Im still your biggest fan)


I drive by your house about everyday, hoping to see you and to say hi. Im still your biggest fan.


Worth noting: this was posted from Portage, Michigan.

SPECIAL SURPRISE FROM M4M: Let me be your cock's best friend

Dont you hate when your cock doesnt get enough attention? He probably needs a friend. I can be that friend. I will pet him, and lick him and snuggle with him. I'll spend quality time with him keeping him clean and warm.

If he ever gets the urge to throw up, I'll be there to clean up leaving no mess behind. I'll show him the attention that no one else is willing to give him.

We'll even play hide and seek. I'll put him waaaaay down my throat so no one can find him. Or, maybe I'll tuck him in another warm and dark place. He can stay there as long as he wants.

I bet your cock could use a friend like me, huh?

Bottom line: I think I like m4m adds better because they are more graphic.

YOUR FREE CARRIBEAN VACATION

Brady - are you or Lenya interested in this?

Up for a great week of fun??

I am will be taking I am looking for a young wopman between 18 and 30 to accompany me, on a weeks Carribean vactaion after hurricane season. all expenses paid of course. Depending on circumstances you can include a girlfriend who I will also pay for. Interested? Drop me a line we can chat and if things are agreeable, I can give you a number to call for arrangements and further disscussion.

Sex idiot seeks understanding woman - 23 (Fort Campbell)

I never got out much while I was young, so I play a lot of computer games and watch anime. I'm looking for a girl that will understand and accept the guy that I am. I love to eat out, go to the movies, and most of the time, just sit at home and relax. I'm in the army and currently deployed. I don't like talking about my job much, so I ask for secrecy in that department. I would like a thinner woman that is compassionate and caring. I look forward to hearing from everyone. I'm not all that good looking, so please don't freak out when you see the picture of me.

hey ladies

i just sent"new in town hey ladies" it didnt work i geuss i posted it on someone elses email so now try to send me a message

The earlier message in question (although I'm guessing people saw the posting, and just didn't want to reply...):

new in town "hey ladies" - 23 (madison,in)

im in madison,in for work i havent been here long im 23 i like to go out and have fun, maybe drink a few beers, ride my harley(but not at the same time thats not cool)really i have no idea why im sending messages to crazy people on the internet except that everyone else is doing it, it must be cool, right?

03 September 2008

TO GOOD TO BE TRUE - 38 (Kalamazoo)

I questioned a young woman today why in society today is it so straining to uncover true love and her reaction was because true love is dead. I was blowed out of the water by her unmistakable for love. Despite the fact thatin my experience I have been by the never-ending dissapointments I have been through in the world of dating I'll never and I am presuing|} a woman whose strong belief in the for love is as fierce as mine.

I am wanting for a strong, REAL,smart, and down to earth woman. Somebody who can make me wanna spend all my time with her and admire her. When your in the line of work I'm in I typically fall upon quite idyllic but unthinking and tiresome women. The unhealthiest thing is most of them are fake and believe that their beauty is what will take them somewhere in life when, for me atleast, it is the person on the inside that most attracts me. I must admit I am a busy man but would definently take the time to make the right woman happy.

If your search for love has brought you here and you believe that true love is not just a fairy tale I ask that you please e-mail me at

BarbiesSurgeon[at]gmail.com

I ask that you e-mail me directly because the servers in the hospital do not allow me to recieve responses from craigslist.

01 September 2008

I'm a great guy with one flaw. - 23 (Liverpool)

I'm 24 years old, 6'1, with a great body and a personality to match. I'm pursuing an MBA at Cornell even though I've already earned an MD from Yale. The MBA will allow to do some financial consulting on the side, even though my education thus far allows me to pull in enough to provide peace of mind. I'm a gourmet cook, speak three languages, completed the Boston marathon, have modeled professionally, hold a black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do, took time off from school to build houses for victims of Hurricane Katrina, dined with former British PM Tony Blair at an embassy dinner, was nationally published in research journals for pioneering a low carb vaccine for polio, received a civic award for rescuing 14 nuns and a really cute kitten from a house fire, and can levitate small objects with my thoughts. My only flaw is that while I may be a great guy, I have absolutely no sense of humor.
Cheers

Cuckold searching for his slut and princess - 46 (Atlantic City)

Hi Ladies and thanks for reading this strange ad. I am searching for that one in a million women that wants to have sex with many men while I watch than lick you clean. Looking for a steady relationship that can develop into more. I am good looking, intelligent and own my own business. With me you can have your cake and eat it too, just save the cream pies for me :)~

any Sarah Pilan look a likes out there - 54 (NJ)

you do not have to moose hunt in Alaska like Sarah Pilan for me to date you just look like her

Let me get you Pregnant - 30 (Somerset County)

If your looking to have a baby, I'm the one to get you pregnant!!! I'm 30, attractive, smart, good genes, etc... If you want to just get pregnant and never see each other, thats fine, if you want me to be a part of the babies life, thats fine too. I dont care how old you are or what race you are. Send me a pic and tell me about you.