Looking for my frumpy girl - 32 (Chicago, IL)

I'm looking for my girl. My #1. My other half. My sex godess. The mother of my kids (born and not yet born).

She should be between the ages of 28 and 29. She should go by such names as Amanda, Mandy, Amanda Holly, Mandy Holly, Hotness, Mommy, Manna, Mamamamamama, and frumpy girl.

She should be able to cook (but never be inclined to do so).

She should like to clean (but never hit the stuff that really needs to get done).

She should be well-versed at how to treat soiled clothing (so someone else can wash them later).

She should be willing to sell her body to pay for a new dishwasher.

She should be sexually motivated even when she's pregnant, sick, pregnant and sick, sick when she's thinking about being pregnant, pregnant when she's thinking about being sick, and any other time, too.

She should enjoy and miss the humor and wrongness that comes from the/my inevitable bad gas.

She should be forgetful.

She should be able to pretend that she cant tell when I'm having a bad day.

She should look hot when she's - just waking up, just going to sleep, any time in between, when she gets out of the shower, when she needs to take a shower, etc.

She should look hot in whatever stage of fatness, lean-ness or fitness she currently occupies.

She should loudly complain about the things that she knows she cant change and quietly enjoy the things that change in her favor.

She should stop being so damn far away from me.

She should miss me as much as I miss her.

She should marry me sometime soon and make an honest man out of me (for once).

She should look just like this girl below

and she should call me tomorrow

I'm not including the pictures he added, of a woman and a baby who I'm guessing are his old flame and baby. Also - She is familiar with cleaning soiled clothing. Is this a baby thing, or is he trying to say something? Discuss.