Ever touch an electrical fence?

I have the standard 6ft. fence in our backyard, and a few months ago I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me; I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground round, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.


Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawn mower was fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and nut at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can’t let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kind of tickled. This I could not let go of.

The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the perm damp Ark-La-Tex River bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it.
I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things.

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad a you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something because it was better than new after that.

7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this?)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.


So, now that you have been thru all this, are you interested in talking to me more?? I hope so. Let's talk and see what happens!!



Tennessee husbands ftw!

Cutie on ATL to DTW - m4w - 52 (Metro Airport)

You were the cute blond with the designer bag flying from Atlanta to Detroit yesterday evening.

I was well dressed man seated near you. I wanted to approach you, but was traveling this occasion with my wife.

I commute frequently from Atlanta and Detroit for my cardiology practice, and the wife rarely comes with. Will you fly with me next time?


Detroit, you're my favorite craigslist again.

Question??? - 43 (Downriver)

not to be mean what so ever to the big girls but I was just curious as if the were any women 35-45 who were single and not over weight looking for dating?

people are really mean to each other on here and I'm considered a badboy!.....lol...thats funny!!!

not to be mean once again but if a guy can't get a boner for you then he will never know what a wonderful person you are in a romantic way!..As friends we can love you to death...That doesn't give any guy the right to be mean to you on here! And by the way if your a dude under 30 and your on CL then you have no right to bust on any woman on here!

I'm 6ft even, still have abs, kind of a badboy and I'm looking for a person who is in shape and less of a badgirl than she is sweet and nice!

hit me up if your interested in talking!



Things that don't make sense: this poster's brain.

i am looking for a live in girlfriend - m4w

i am a single white male...i would like to find a live in girlfriend...i have my own place all you have to do is move in...i will cover living expenses...you just tend to my needs.....i am open to any race within reason


What races are 'within reason?' Imagine I've just read this aloud, and the following are the reactions of my current roommates, two lawyers in their 30's:

Roommate 1: Maybe he means inter-species? Like, a non-humanoid...that would be unreasonable.
Roommate 2: So what, half-orcs need not apply?


Half-orcs ftw?

Sometimes I think Craigslist has a sense of humor...

Many thanks to Detroit and the Craigslist team for making this moment possible.

COO COO 4 CO CO PUFFS - 350 (making pickles)

Gargoyle seeks friend , tired of waiting to get noticed at the gym ? is society telling you your using to much oxygen ? my story for yours? free dinner? win a free tooth brush and keep your pants on! ok lets get serious here , or not ! as long as you don't flood my toilet, spill your drink, brake my favorite dish , burn a hole in my shirt and lock my cat in the closet, all on the first date.




Seeing how few of you lock cats in bathrooms on the first date after breaking people's favorite dishes and burning holes in their shirts, I'd say you have a real chance with this fella.

Shorty where you at??? - 24

A little bit about me: Physicially I'm 24 yrs old, Blond hair Blue eyes 6'' tall, handsome... with an athletic build. I would say I've lived a very interesting life for someone my age and plan on continuing with my adventures living my life to the best of my ability. I haven't been in a relationship for about 2 years now, and I feel like meeting someone new... someone I don't already know, that's why I'm trying Craigs to see what might come of it. I'm a college graduate, have a successful career, and generally just a good person. If I might be of interest to you, feel free to send me a message and we can get to talking and see whatever else might come from it.



Successful college graduate who lives in Flint, Michigan? I'm skeptical.

Looking...We all are looking sometime - 48 (Columbus / Lagrange)

We are all looking sometime in our life..Just think about it..I am now anyway's. I am
normal and not no junkie on here. I am looking for someone who might be looking
also like me. I am very nice,sweet,polite,and safe to be with. Should any of this interest
you,just reply back and I will get back too you..Hope to hear from some normal people.


After reading those first few sentences, I'm honestly surprised he didn't write, "hope to here from some normal people." Way to exceed my expectations, poster.

Want to have a messy, crying, drooling mini-human together? - 30 (Chicago)

Your eggs aren't getting any fresher!!

Seeking a highly intelligent, liberal-minded sort of woman who is ready to be a responsible parent with me. Bonus points for earth friendly types.

You're ready to geek out over the healthiest stuff to feed the little thing and how to turn him/her into a baby brainiac surrounded by books. You're at a place in your life where you're down with trips to the tot lot, storytimes, and family trips to the zoo.

Obviously you're fairly healthy/active, employed, nonsmoker, hopefully cute and sweet/nurturing/bubbly.

I'm a smart, healthy, clean cut, nice guy type SWM ready to move into dad mode with the right match.

I will reply to all who write a serious, thoughtful reply about possibly starting a family.




Points for knowing the difference between 'you're' and 'your.' Negative points for the whiff of desperation in this ad.

nice, average, and upbeat girl wanted - 27 (tulsa)

hi, i am looking for a girl who is not still angry with her ex, doesnt mind just hanging out, and would like to have a little fun now and then. if this is you get back to me. pictures are welcome all will get a reply



Average? Look no further than Tulsa.

If you like Chocolate your gonna Love This - 27 (Baton Rouge)

I am moving from New York to Baton Rouge next week. Lets talk

My name is K. I am a 27 year old professional at a high profile law firm and I'm studying law in Baton Rouge. My career doesn't leave me much time for a social life at this point. It would be nice to have some company and meet someone new to kick it with. Im open to new experiences with different nationalities.

I'm 5'6", Medium Athletic Build, Handsome Face and Milk Chocolate. LOL!

I like going out to lounges and restaurants with nice ambiance. I love the movies.

I love sports, football in particular (Giants Fan) and I love politics. So between CNN and ESPN I’m good!
I enjoy any live entertainment and good company.

Send me a pic and tell me your interest. Lets Talk. TTYL!



If his grasp of punctuation and grammar is any indicator, I'm guessing this poster will be an excellent lawyer someday.

be my first - 18 (owasso)

I had a hard time finding a post awful enough to justify being the first Husband? post in such a long time, but I think I finally found one that is truly unfortunate. Hopefully, this is the first of many wonderful potential husbands to be featured in the coming months.




hi there i am a little nervous but i am 18 and wanting to loose mt virginity. it is driving me crazy i would like for my brother to be there as well i am a little slow but can maintain i am 6ft dark hair 8 inches what else you want to know just hit me up please no bots or freaks i want my first time to be a plesant experience not a nitemare.

FYI, if you're looking for someone who is:
a) interested in being your first time
b) interested in fucking you while your brother is there, watching
you might be looking for someone who is a freak.

Additionally, freaks in the sheets aren't necessarily nightmares. You'll thank me when you're older. You're welcome.

Blood, tonails, hair, and all else still lacking (Mid-City)

I had written a proper response for your kind message. And I have one more thing for you

I wanted to tell you the intelligence
attains the grand summation of
molecular motion at absolute zero.

You're lone response cannot compare with the apex of a ferris wheel nor that of the spammers on their tired tirade, nor the nadir of a ditch filled with a coelocanth's droppings.

I hope that I remind you of the shrouded enigma of an important postage never sent.
Your response in any form again would bring me a dashingly colored toupee that would twist around my right shoe into a state of ennui with the speed and dexterity of many lemon meringue-coated conquistadors.

I hope to hear back from you.
xo



What the fuck? It sounds like someone replaced a bunch of words using a thesaurus after sprinkling World of Warcraft references into a high school science textbook.

HOT.

If you don't read this you're dumb - 25 (Wessstsiiiiiide(Alb))

I like Taco Bell, Fruit Loops, and pickle juice. Seriously I'm not expecting to find the love of my life through this although it would be great, I just wanna make at least one good friend. Just someone to spend time with doing anything. I love the outdoors, camping and traveling but have a good time going out for some drinks or going to a movie or concert. I smoke grips of pot so hopefully you do to, but if not that's cool. I'm a nerd with a big heart that's really fragile, I have lots of love to give and need ways to express it. If you're worried about some difference between us don't be and just drop me a line. I'm posting this with no picture, cause if you're really interested my average looks, and furious passion will satisfy you.

Likes Taco Bell? Check.
Likes Fruit Loops? Check.
Drinks pickle juice? Check.
Average looks? Check.
Pothead with a fragile heart? Check.

Husband?

5000 Reasons to Marry me this Monday!!! - 37 (South)

5000 Rea$ons to Marry me this Monday!!Well? Why the hell not??!!?? If you are reading this then you are curious. I am white. I am attractive. And I'm looking for a highly sexual wife!! I'm sick of the bars. Not hunting for you in church! Not stalking you at the grocery store by snooping in your basket to figure if you are attached or not. Don't get me wrong, I do get women that are attracted to me. I do know how to communicate. I am a guy who showers most days.....ok, ok, ok.....evryday!! I own a full set of teeth..all mine! I have most of my hair....and yes on my head, not my back!!! I don't have a wonderful porn star moustache.....those 80's guys are so lost!! I am a home owner........a damn nice one at that! I have been married before....for a long stretch. I am a daddy......lol....ok, well a father as i'm told. I am not lonely....I have too many friends sometimes. I am just gonna buy / rent / mortgage / pay a loan on a new wife!
Now, heres what i'm looking for..........
I don't want any smokers....what's that you say?? But i'm trying to quit! Well good luck to you!! I don't want any drug users!! Well, now that only 3 lucky ladies are left!! I want someone that's not too tall, i'm thinking 5'6 or under. Not 7 foot ladies...sorry.make doggy style too hard!!!......kidding!!!.....I own a stool!!!.....lol. Anyhow? I want a woman that does her nails, has fabulous hair, dresses for any occassion and wears it well. I expect you to be smart, college does not make you smart!! I want you to be in shape ....and yes big fat and round is a shape, it's not the shape i'm looking for! Listen, I seriously get attractive 18 to 25 year old ladies all the time. I am just sick of all the sex and no one there in the morning?!? God? Am I a man whore? Well, I admit I am! But I am sick of this shit! I wanna provide a home and family for a good relationship base. I am not opposed tp having more children. I am not opposed to moving if it makes you happy. I am not opposed to bisexual women!! oops!! My mind is wandering again...lol. Anyhow, wanna meet a funny guy with a crazy background? I am YOUR guy. Drop me a line. Be nice? Be mean? Just be real!!


One - a lot of these are not reasons.
Two - "I'm white" is a reason? FAIL.