Seriously, why? - 22 (Chicago / Vernon Hills)

Is it really this hard to meet someone? I'm not asking for much in a woman, am I?

What I'm looking for a is a woman who will, this might sound odd, treat me right. I want a woman who wants to be with me, not someone who leaves me to my own devices, I want the woman to be able to make me feel special, make me feel that I'm their everything. This might sound odd to a few females out there, but I want a woman who will be clingy and doesn't mind being clung onto either. In the end, even though I don't have any experience with women, I know this is what I want in a relationship because of the things that have happened in my life.

About me...
Well, I'm a 22 year old chinese male about to graduate from DePaul University with a major in finance. I currently live by myself in Chinatown and I think it's finally started to get to me, the fact that I don't always want to be alone even though I am the loner type.

I have a bad history with my family, but no matter what I try to keep it close with them. Even if I am sometimes singled out because I just don't seem to fit in with any of them.

In the sex area, I want a woman who does have an appetite and at the same time is willing to show me around the ropes. This might seem like a "wow" thing to you, but I am one of the few 22 year old male virgins out there. I don't mind that people know that, in fact the main reason why I am a virgin is because I haven't been able to find anyone important enough to me in my life to be with in that way. If I had to put my experience on a scale of 1-10, it'd probably be a 0. In reality, I just need the woman to have an active libido and at the same time have patience with me.

I do get jealous quite easily, but that's only because of my insecurities. The main reason why I want a woman who will make me feel like I am the only one for her. I want the woman to be able to communicate with me and not just tell me to "go away" if she's mad, but instead to actually talk it out. Don't fume by yourself, let me be there for you.

I guess there's really not much else to say. I've said quite a bit I suppose, well I guess if you have anymore questions, just email me with the address shown above. Reply back with anything you want and I'll reply back and we'll just go from there

Sponge Bob Square Pants has all the traits of the perfect woman - 36 (Cascade Errr.. Bikini Bottom)

I wrote this a few weeks ago, and I wasn’t sure what to do with it, or perhaps what to make of myself. This looks like the place. Here you go Craigslisters, I present my arguments, in bullet form, why Spongebob Square pants is the perfect girl.


1. He’s low maintenance. No matter what happens to him, he never needs validation from anyone, for anything. He never asks Patrick to tell him who he is, never uses his friction with Squidward to bolster his own ego. All his energy is focused outward, albeit usually with mixed (and hilarious) results. He never complains about those results either, just trudges ahead with blind, infectious optimism.


2. He’s a good cook. In fact, he makes unquestionably the best burger in Bikini Bottom. People come from everywhere to the Crab Shack for one of his Crabby Patties. How rare is a girl who can cook, and enjoys it?


3. He lives in a pineapple. Imagine having crazy sex in a giant pineapple. All that gooey, sweet, sugary awesomeness providing both full body lubrication and a certain fun kinkiness. Sex inside almost anything else wouldn’t be anywhere as much fun. An orange would sting. A tomato would stain. While we’re on the subject, do you want variety in your lovin? He’s got HUNDREDS of holes, and he’s not shy about himself or hung up in any way. He also plays dress up. Weekly. And usually twice on Saturday mornings.


4. He’s comfortable with his job. Mr. Crab pays him shit and he cares, never bitches. Never comes home and says to his pet snail “if that dude Squidward don’t get off my ass, I’m gonna kill him!” The pineapple is a harmonious place because Spongebob checks that shit at the door.


5. He manages his emotions. We’ve all seen Spongebob flip out. We’ve all seen chicks flip out. The difference is that Spongebob Squarepants STAYS FOCUSED. He may explode. His eyes may shrivel up like raisins. He might pull off his own legs and arms and beat himself with them in total panic and frustration. He never loses sight of what he’s flipping out ABOUT, though. Every girl I’ve ever met starts out being mad about the dish I just broke, or the amount of beer I may have drunk at her family reunion (we all need help through the hard times, my Lord, my Lord) but 15 minutes later it’s why haven’t we bought a house yet, why aren’t I home more, why aren’t I home less, why aren’t I more communicative, and what about those boobs I was staring at back in May of 2002. Do ya feel me, boys?


6. He’s devoted. Patrick is an idiot, but he finds a way to relate and have fun. Mr. Crabs is a jerk, but he gets past it and has a healthy work ethic. He’s maintained a healthy platonic relationship with a displaced female squirrel. Even Squidward, despite all his efforts to the contrary, has a neighbor he can count on any time day or night. (Aside: Squidward is a douche bag for not recognizing this)


7. He knows how to have a good time. Boy does he ever. He likes eating contests, farts, TV, singing, hiking, playing with his body, sports (did you see the snail race? better than Hoosiers), and just generally acting stupid and laughing about it. I’m telling you, he’s got to be totally awesome to hang out with.


8. He’s comfortable with his body. So he’s not the ideal shape. He’s a square. But he never complains. You’ll never hear the phrase “height-weight proportional” uttered from those yellow lips (anyway his height-weight proportion is geometrically perfect, a fact which I am sure can be proven mathematically). He don’t give a shit. He just buys the right clothes (square) and looks great and that’s the end of it. No endless questioning about why the universe shaped him the way he is. No internal battles. Just a simple square man with a healthy simple outlook.


9. He’s a virgin (I’d bet). You say experience means everything? I say bullshit. Comfort and communication trump experience every time. Working at your sex life is only possible in a situation dominated by these two traits and amplified by a sense of adventure. Spongebob has always demonstrated these characteristics. Now, what do you want? A willing accomplice or the trick somebody else taught?


10. He doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs. Actually, I do enjoy the occasional cocktail or three and back in the day, as you may have guessed, I have been known to puff it down a little and watch shows like, say, Spongebob Squarepants (WTF, what did you do this morning that was so important, Ms. Smartypants?), but the thing about our man Bob is that theses things don’t rule his life, and couldn’t you just imagine that first date at a bar? Somehow the idea of kicking two shots of Makers Mark back with Spongebob Squarepants is totally mesmerizing. You think he’d sit there and bitch about his exes? No way. He’s much more a load up the jukebox and kick up his heels on the bar kind of guy. He’ll take his lumps for it (case in point, the Motorhead bar in the movie, where the fascist biker dudes kick his ass but he comes out grinning) but I bet the night would be hilarious. Imagine him pulling in a big drag and blowing it out all his orifices. Imagine him talking to that drunken barfly you always see and making that old bitch laugh. You’d get to do all this shit with him for the first time.


11. He demonstrates good parenting skills. Did you see the episode where Spongebob and Patrick find a lost baby scallop and decide to raise it as their own? No?!? Well, allow me to elucidate. Patrick takes on the male role and he sucks at it. He sneaks off all day and night to watch TV at home while Spongebob, as the mother figure (complete with apron and heels), holds the family together. He does all the cooking, cleaning and baby-raising, all the while carrying an admittedly strained smile on his face. Not to say I’m looking for a wife to do it all and let me watch TV, it’s just that he demonstrates such strength and good humor. The episode ends with a happy, well-adjusted scallop flying off (?) into the sea-sky and a presumably happy well-adjusted scallop life. It’s not that Spongebob might make a good mom. Spongebob is a good mom.



There, I put it out there AND..... I Feel better, (I'll probably only get responses from huge bull dykes with nothing better to do?) I’m sure I’ve sabotaged my e-mail account, but I wanted to do it. I’m in love, and people in love do and say stupid shit. Here's to the hope that someone literate and twisted (like me) will find the humor, irony and insite into what I've just written and respond in kind.

CHEERS

The Bears r who we thought they were !!!!!!!!!! - 27

But They R Who WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!!!!!!!!! and we let em off the hook!!!!!!!!


weirdest coach rant ever
roflmaol

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am single Caucasian guy, 28 I am about 5 feet 10 170 and in pretty good shape. I am hoping to find a date for this Thursday or Friday. I am not into endless e-chatter - I would rather meet you and get to know you over drinks or some dinner.

Hope to hear from you! Your pic gets mine.


I dont go for the obsessively skinny or tall types that count calories and throw up dinner usually they tend to fit into a annoying pattern--to me healthy is sexy healthy being busty nice hips round bottom and nice thighed but not overweight dont misconstrue me i dont mean to be cras its just a delicate area between voluptous to big boned to overweight to sloppy i guess the cut off point for over would be if youre waist is more than 39 inches and arms are 14 iches or if youre figure resembles a pear more than jessica rabbit i just dont want to be mean if you email pleez have a realistic idea of yourself


and if youre a female bodybuilder thats ok as long as youre muscles arent bigger than mine

ps pleez dont just email me to compliment my ad or make lil existentialchit chat theres forums for that purpose and my goal here is to only alleviate some loneliness--- and homosexual replies will be forwarded to a homophobic zeolot friend of mine where you dont want to know what he'll do to youre email address---- thats bout it for now-------- MAN DOES MY LIFE SUCK !!!!!!

Spunky guy and adorable kittens inside! - 22 (Ithaca)

Not enough people use the word spunky any more, so I'm going for it. I'm also a bit of a nerd.

I'm a *cough*spunky*cough* 22 year old recent grad student that loves getting out and having a good time. This past weekend, I went to a great concert, partied with some good friends, climbed around a waterfall, and skipped a few stones to boot.

I'm posting on here because I the only thing missing in that wonderful weekend was a cute lady to spend it with. It's weird, I've enjoyed the single life for a little while, by choice, but I've suddenly felt the urge to start dating again. I want to take you out for dinner and a drink, I want to curl up to a good movie afterwords, and I want to kiss you all night long.

I believe chivalry still exists, as well as foreplay. I'm not a super sexy athlete, but I'm not a loaf either. I'm 6 ft, so I tend to go for a tiny girl to hold. I need you to be sweet, sexy, and fun-loving too. Please, no trashy girls, no uneducated girls with ebonic slang, no demolition derby girls, no nut-cases, oh, and no dudes. I hope that's not too much to ask.

I'm a tad shy at first personally, but I hope you're not. Drop me a line and I'll open right up. Oh, and here's the adorable kitten I promised you :-)

Cut out that rotten spot and eat the rest - 55 (Utica slums)

Looking for a wonderful gal that enjoys short walks out to the clothes line to take in clothes (that are still wet) just before a thunder storm

That enjoys long rides in our 1980 Dodge Aspen with flapping in the breeze rusted front fenders

That loves to make love under the stars because we just got evicted from our house because of nonpayment of our mortagage

And loves being naked in public because all of our clothes are in the house we can no longer access with the locks now having been changed

If all of this sounds like fun, contact me ASAP

I offer myself, no financial security, and a nasty extra sharp cheese addiction

Other inducements , being what they are, are listed below.

The inducements are pictures of this man holding hot mustard packets, quarters, and a banana.

Prince Charming,, Is Still Lost.. without his Princess - 24 (Utica/Herkimer)

Hello, actually Id never post one of these but I thought this week Id live a little,, Im turning 25 in 8 days and it seems like the world is not slowing down, Im a young buisness owner, running a small but very growing advertising company, basically looking for someone to come home to and hold, watch a movie and just relax with.. if this is something your intrested in doing even as just friends feel free to give me a shout, Im always intrested in making new friends/ Its not all about sex in my life, "just to clear that up"


have a great day and looking forward to hearing from you


We have a policy of not including people's personal photos, but I think it's notable that this young business owner posted two photos of himself: one myspace-sex photo (naked. mirror. possibly taken with a camera phone?) and another with multiple America flag bandannas labeled "Boilermaker Roadrace."

***Girlfriend potential test*** - 33 (Minot)

Instructions: Please answer the questions below as directed in each section. You will be marked for grammar, spelling, cleverness, creativity and boob-size. Please keep in mind that while this is not an application for a job, your performance on this test will be a reflection of your ability to achieve certain positions once out in the real world. When the clock strikes the hour, you may begin. You have sixty minutes to complete the test.


Section One: Multiple Choice (Answer All, 5 points)

When submitting answers via email, please copy and paste the question and then your answer selection beside it.

Q1. Six months into our relationship, I go away to a tropical location with my family for a week over Christmas. This vacation was planned as a family event two years prior to meeting you. This is:
a) A great opportunity to get some things done without me around.
b) A great opportunity to attempt to sleep with my college roommate and/or my boss.
c) A sign that you are probably just a casual thing that I could toss aside at any given moment despite the fact I bought you probably the most thoughtful gift you've ever received and written you a letter for every day that I'll be gone, inciting you to 'Go on the Defensive.'
d) Occasion to have a sexy dinner at home the night before I leave, and a mini 'welcome home' party when I get back that’s guest list is just you, me, a bottle of wine and a pack of condoms.

Q2. We've talked every night for eight days (not including the dinner/opera show I took you to on Saturday night that was followed by possibly your worst performance in bed ever, or the Monday night that I came over and we spent the evening making Rachel Ray recipes and watching Heroes followed by the best oral sex I've ever given you), with conversation time averaging about an hour per night. On a Thursday night, when on a deadline, I express a need to get off the phone so I can finish some work and go to bed at a reasonable hour. You:
a) Express your feelings of devotion in three words or less, then and quickly say goodbye after confirming plans for tomorrow night are still on.
b) Say goodbye, but then immediately begin talking about something that we hadn't discussed as thoroughly as is scientifically, legally or religiously possible two nights prior.
c) Take that as a sign that I'm abandoning you, and begin to point out that because of it I have commitment issues, that you're clearly not my priority, and then cry.
d) Say goodbye, but manage to do it with such menace and venom that I stay on the phone for another three silence filled hours, broken only by fits of gentle weeping and suicide threats.

Q3. I'm throwing change at your cleavage, which is readily on display in that loose fitting tank top you wear around my place on Sundays after brunch. Do you:
a) Wing the largest of the coins at my head, with an evil glare and then refuse to speak to me for the rest of the day.
b) Encourage my behavior, and allow me to purchase Afternoon Delights from you at discount prices.
c) Cry.
d) Cry and pick a fight with me, taking my actions as a total lack of respect for you and then begin to point out that because of it I have commitment issues, that you're clearly not my priority, and then cry some more.


Q4. We're having a fight. You:
a) Throw me out of your apartment, then thirty minutes later send 17 texts and attempt to call 13 times in the space of six minutes.
b) Give me space when the discussion gets too heated for rational thought, and redress your complaints in a calm manner when we've both had a chance to cool down.
c) Flip me the bird.
d) Wail on my junk.
e) both c and d
f) realize that the fight is about nothing, and begin creating fictional problems and make wild accusations about my obsession with material goods and having a wandering eye.
g) f, then d, then c.

Q5. I play [video games OR tabletop gaming OR fantasy football]. You:
a) Want to join in, because it looks like hella fun.
b) Leave me to it, in the hopes that I'll leave you a few things to participate in on your own.
c) Attempt to get me to quit, and use tactics like nagging, vandalism and emotional sabotage as an effective campaign against what you call my 'nerdy addiction.'
d) c, but also include deriding me to your friends.


Section Two: True or False (Answer All, 10 points)

When submitting answers via email, please copy and paste the question and then your answer selection beside it.

Q1. Rationale and Reason are the same thing.

Q2. A cheerleader AND/OR schoolgirl outfit is a wardrobe must.

Q3. Talking in your 'cute voice' just before you put my balls in my mouth is sexy.

Q4. Learning body language and communication cues is important.

Q5. 'Anchorman' and 'Superbad' are hilarious movies.

Q6. "But it's cute when I do it" should be a legally viable defense.

Q7. Chest hair is gross.

Q8. Bono is probably the most important political figure of our generation.

Q9. Sex is an important part of a relationship, and should be had frequently, often, whenever possible - within moderation, of course.

Q10. A relationship is metaphorically a two way street. So is your butt.


Section Three: Short Essay. (Answer ONE, 5 points)

Please select one of the following questions and answer it as fully as time will allow. Please try and be as descriptive as possible, and where applicable, come up with at least TWO convincing arguments to support your case. Arguments must be backed up with cited evidence, not anecdotal perspective.


Q1. If I was a crime-fighting vigilante by night, what efforts would you make to support my cause about the rising threat of evil in this city?

Q2. Please come up with a convincing game-plan for having me come shopping with you, keeping in mind my retail oriented attention span is about twelve minutes, and I am prone to wandering after flashing lights and shiny things.

Q3. Please argue why you are (do) or are not (do not): 'Down to Earth', 'Have a sense of humor' and 'Laid back'. Bonus if you can include evidence to confirm that you truly do avoid 'head games.'

Please submit answers via the email link provided. Please also keep a copy of this test and your answers to submit to future suitors for reference. Remember to ensure your name, number and bra size are clearly written at the top of your paper, and don't forget to attach a photo (3/4 length or full).

Wanna make $400? (Iowa State)

Looking to make some money? I'm looking for a girl to steal a boy away from his girlfriend. Email me if you're interested!!

hi looking for fat girls for fun - 33 (delaware)

i like fat girls or any type women i love sex

SWM Rennfest Veteran Seeks Maiden - 40 (DE & MD)

Greetings,

I am a long time veteran of MDRF. I enjoy everything about Renaissance Festivals. So far, my only experience has been MDRF, but I do hope to travel to PARF sometime, and possibly other ones. Besides being a Rennie, my other interests include cooking, exploring the Chesapeake, travel, biking, tennis. Some of my favorite places are Winterthur Museum and Gardens, Longwood Gardens, The Brandywine Valley, Europe. Rather than post some boring photo here, I will give one of my Myspace sites

www.myspace.com/scruffy_rennfest

I also love vacationing in the Rehoboth - Ocean City region. I do have other sites which I post photos, but lets first see if you can accept a Rennie... Though I am divorced and have run the gamot of girlfriends, dates, etc, I seem to have turned into the invisible man. All of my other efforts to meet a decent woman have failed, so what the hell..... here goes.......

looking to eat some wet pussy right now - m4w - 39 (Jackson/ridgeand)

i'm looking for a woman the bigger the better, who want to have her pussy ate out. Age, race, weight doesn't matter. i'm available now. i'm 6'5, 290lb, hazel brown eyes, love to eat. if i got to pay for it i'm not interested, unless it that good. hollar at me . i'm waiting, will send contact info upon request. No games, or endless email

STONERBONER NEEDS A MATE - 43 (JACKSON,MS)

HELLO MY NAMES,JOE,IM SINGLE,NO KIDS,DONT DRINK,LOOK LOT YOUNGER,STILL GOT IT.FUNNY AS HELL,FIND HUMAR IN EVERY THING,VERY GOOD LOOKING,CHARMING SMILE,EASY GOING,LAYED BACK COOL GUY,DONT LIKE TO ARGUE OR FIGHT,DOWN TO EARTH,CARING AND HONEST,DONT LIKE CHEATERS OR LIARS,HAVE A LOT GOING FOR ME,IM VERY EASY TO TALK TO,LIKE TO COOK AND CLEAN,WHAT CAN I SAY,SOMEBODYS GOT TO DO IT,I COLLECT CLASSIC MUSCLE CARS AND TRUCKS,AS AN IN VESMENT,OR HOBBIE,LIKE TO GO TO CARSHOWS,CONCERTS,SHOOTING POOL.CAMPING ANY THING FUN IN GENERAL,SO IF YOUR A COOL CHICK,WITH NO DRAMA,IM DOWN WITH THAT,JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY TO CARE ABOUT,IM WHITE AND EXPECT THE SAME,PROMISE YOU WONT BE DISAPOINTED.HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON SINSERLY JOE

Sick puppy Looking for Mate (madison)

They say 2 sickies don't make a wellee White male looking for female mate for escapism No strings attached maybe ropes or chains some are sicker than others not The perfect storm a female freak your place or mine no one under 26 years old [to much drama] send a pic and info and I'll send you mine Great minds think a like lets see if we mesh

writer needs cure for writers block - m4w - 35 (South Orange/Livingston)

I'm working on the perfect romance novel...but hit a snag...I now have a little writer's block...if you think you can help me out of this funk, please email me, and let me know what Ideas you have. I'm clean and open to ideas. serious inquiries please.

just a fun loving nerd!!! - 33

the names abilio people just call me bill , let me tell you about myself, im a goofy creative person who comes up with corny ideas like this one I thought up, remember that old Reeses commercial How do you eat your Reeses? Well I came up with my own tv ad for it . Have Reese Witherspoon(the actress) holding a large spoon and then say ,¨ How do you eat your Reeses?Witherspoon¨ Get it !! well I told you it was corny lol. Anyways my other goofy idea which is much better and if I have the time I would like to get it published is my own cartoon, I call it Violent Violet the Crayon gone bad.. It¦s a cross between the sopranos and flinstones .You see in my cartoon emotions represent the colors of the crayons I have characters such as green envy ,purple passion(violent violets girlfriend) anger management(hes the red crayon) etc. My first episode is titled dare to draw first blood.

Also a random thought , wouldnt it be cool if Dustin diamond(played screech powers on saved by the bell) fought emmanuel lewis( tv show Webster)on celebrity boxing , I can imagine dustin diamond getting himself pummeled by emmanuel lewis but the bell rings and ends the round, I can imagine the announcer saying something silly like,¨ looks like dustin diamond just got saved by the bell.¨ Announcer chuckles. Oh yeah I got one more stupid joke I created , its kind of not me but a creative person takes whatever he can get. Here¦s the joke,¨ what did judge judy say after screwing the jury?¨ It¦s a well-hung jury¨ stupid .

Okay heres another . I work in a pharmacy so one day I was asked to do a delivery for mr. Johnson. So I grabbed his prescriptions and headed down to his apartment. I knocked on his door and a 70-year old senior citizen answers the door ,¨ Mr.Johnson I say,¨ heres your prescriptions¨ Mr.Johnson replies , thanks sonny boy¨ he grabs the bag peeks in the bag and says,¨ hey young man wheres my Viagra prescription?,cant you people do anything right, Hows a guy like myself suppose to do for fun besides playing bingo and doing crosswords all day? So I say ,¨ Sorry about that Mr.Johnson , no hard feelings tonight¨ laugh track here . Some more one liners that I invented,¨ I had sex only once,and that¦s because I believed that old saying my parents use to tell me,¨ If you do it right the first time you don¦t have to come and do it over again.¨ Also I came up with some ideas for t-shirts, remember the hamburger helper commercial that had the little talking hand , well put him on a blank t-shirt and have the saying,¨ never bite the hand that¦s feed’s you¨ another idea is just to have this saying on a t-shirt,¨ Im anal retentive, in other words Im a perfect asshole!!!!. Heres some more old jokes that need work anyways here it goes, “ I’m going to write a book on famous people who use Viagra…It’s going to be a pop-up book!!!!. Ever hear about the girl with the big nose?.. her nose was so big, she was giving blowjob’s sideways. Hey whats the worst feeling a woman can have?... She’s about the have the best orgasm of her life and all of a sudden the batteries go dead. Heres one that I need to seriously rework hey some people like it,”

There once was this guy who was impotent. So he went to the doctor to fix his problem. The guy says to his doctor,” Doc ‘I’m ashamed of my impotency and I don’t want people seeing me taking Viagra pills.” Doctor replies,” Don’t worry about it , we’ve got Viagra pills that look like candy, no one will suspect a thing.”Just make sure no one sees you taking the them out of the prescription bottle.”The guy then says,” No problem I’ll just hide them in my fred flinstone pez dispenser.” So the guy goes home and puts the pills in his pez dispenser. Later that night he wants to make love to his wife so he takes a pill out of his pez dispenser and with the instant excitement forgets to put the dispenser back in his pockets and leaves the pez dispenser on the kitchen counter. The next morning his son josh is in the kitchen eating breakfast and notices the pez dispenser, and says,” cool a fred flintstone dispenser.. better take this with me to school.” So at school josh’s friends proudly shows his pez dispenser to his friends, afterwards they all ask if they can have some pez candy .. so josh gives one to each of his friends and to himself, 5 minutes later all of them have pointy pants, so one of joshs friends says ,” hey buddy what the hell,what kind of candy did you give us ?” Josh replies, I dunno, but I guess you could call it hard candy!!!!! I suck but I gave it my best But what do you expect I do have a sense of humor like screech lol. Hey did you know a sex toy company is coming out with a twisted version of play-doh?.. Its called play-dildoh. Hey heres a real put down you can use if people ever make fun of how you look,” hey my dog gets more compliments from men/women than you do! .. heres one last one , an elderly couple are at the museum , they come up to the statue of david, and the wife starts admiring it, saying how lovely and great it is.. well the husband starts getting jealous because his wife seems to be giving more attention and compliments to the statue than he has everhad had from his wife , so he says” So whats so great about the statue?.. whats it got that I don’t have?”.. the wife replies with a grin on her face,” For one thing hes always hard!!”.. also I don’t know if I thought of this before but heres another idea for tootsie rolls pop commercial, have someone sucking on a tootsie roll pop and then say,” theres a sucker born ever minute… on a toostsie roll pop. “if a priest commits a crime ,is it considered a white collar crime?”. If a person in a wheelchair does a comedy routine, is it still stand up?”. In college I majored in food chemistry with a minor in retail and fashion design….Now I can make clothes people can eat !!!Okay I know I should keep my day job, but hey I tried my best to brighten your day  okay now to the serious stuff.

Besides being a weird little man(im 5 10, 180 lbs) Im also a very flexible person who doesnt mind horseback riding, going to the aquarium/museum,the opera, staying at home watching a movie , playing chess or board games. hoping to meet someone who always keeps an open mind to whatever crazy idea that i come up with. i like doing a lot of things, as i believe everything new that i learn , will only make me a better person and less ignorant. i like working out ,chess, cooking,flying,reading,ufc,watching old tv shows etc. of course im always looking for new things to try, i love the knowledge and experience that comes with trying something new. hey maybe you can teach something new and i can teach you something new.

. Im a thoughtful person who always thinks of others before himself. If I was in a relationship and I was reading the Sunday paper and happened to stumble upon a coupon for my partners favorite make-up , I would cut it out attach it to a sticky note and write,¨ thought I would save you money babe¨ and put it in her purse.I guess I get satisfaction in helping others without getting anything in return. That feeling that you get from making someone happy , is worth more to me than money or any material goods.I also take pleasure in cheering people up, hey if my partner had a bad day or feeling under the weather, i would probably give her a nice massage and feed her fresh strawberries dipped in hot dark chocolate. Money and material possessions are fleeting but the lasting memory of helping or making someone feel better is forever. I think honesty is my best trait, being honest is so much easier, why go to the trouble of lying, when in the end it catches up with you. What ive just said is charming but means nothing if I cant put it to action. I rather do than talk, here’s an example for ya ladies: would you rather date a guy who can charm you too death but does not keep his words.. basically he’s all talk and no action or would you rather date a mime. Sure you’ll have communication problems in a relationship with a mime , but at least his actions speak louder than his words.( bad joke I know just trying to make a point). Anyone can talk but Few keep their words, I really hate people like that.

I’m also a type of person who likes to keep things fresh. I like to keep my partner on their tip toes. I like to keep them guessing on what I’m going to do next. One of the secrets to a good relationship is not to let it get stale. Many couples fall into a routine,doing the same thing’s over and over again. It’s like at the beginning the guy does everything he can to get the girl but once he gets her, he get’s uncreative and does the same thing over and over again. Hey relationships and life are about variety. Personally I’m not the guy that would follow the standard procedure aka where the guy gets a girl flowers and chocolates. Personally I would come up with a more creative idea such as mystery grab bag, which is a hallmark gift bag filled with such goodies such a chocolates,a lottery ticket,a pez dispenser,make up kit,a good book etc. Yeah I like to separate myself from the herd , don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with giving a girl flowers and chocolates, but to me it sounds redundant and over used.

Anyways I have a dog named aries a sheltie mix and 6 zebra finches (birds). Going to school to become a nutritionist , I love food and cooking(if only I had enough time to devote to it) but my major career goal is in aviation . I love flying and traveling all around the world, my mom tells me when I was baby and we were on a plane the only thing that came out of my mouth was ,¨ I want fly the plane) this was of course in Portuguese as I came to states when I was 3. I think this travelling fetish probably had to do with going to portugal every year as a kid.. My parents have a house there and every summer we would go there. My parents have tons of property there that they take care of( like picking grapes,almonds oranges, and getting the soil properly fertilized ect.) So i would help them and i made friends with other Portuguese and other kids who came from other parts of europe(france,germany,switzerland,spain,netherlands)so somehow i became fixated with travelling.

Anyways hoping to meet someone where we cant start out as buddies as I believe when you date someone expectations are high, you put to much pressure on date. I believe getting to know someone over a long period time (as friends) can tell if your right for each other. Hey when you go on date you or you date may have had a bad day and that may leave an undesirable impression. Anyways sorry im not good at this writing thing but if your interested feel free to write back. Oh yeah one more thing heres my list of favorite movies,tv shows, board games ,video games and other gibberish.

Favorite movies: platoon, sniper, napoleon dynamite,clerks(1 and 2),breakfast club,fast times at ridgemonte high, Harold and kumar, bill and ted excellent adventure,a very brady sequel adventure,transformers the movie,anger management,not another teen movie, karate kid 1,2, rocky III, rocky balboa, home alone 1 and 2, problem child 1 and 2,chucky, nightmare on elm street (all of them),searching for bobby fischer,ferris buellers day off,the crow, ghostbusters,E.T., star wars(all of them), star trek(all movies) the lost boys,goonies,the outsiders,back to the future(1 and 2),a very brady sequel.last of the Mohicans,lord of the flies,stand by me,Goodwill hunting,searching for bobby fischer, Indiana jones,little nicky,Brewster millions,billy Madison,enter the dragon,dodgeball,hitch,therock,ratatouille and gremlins( all 3 movies).

Favorite childhood shows and current favorites; kung fu,sledgehammer,bewitched,zoobilee zoo,gomer pyle,adventures of pete and pete,saved by the bell,the transformers,king of queens, the honeymooners,Seinfeld,the Bernie mac show smurfs,transformers,gi joe,get along gang,pacman, the shirt-tales, force five, Mindfreaks,starblazers,voltron,beavis and butthead, Webster, punky Brewster,different strokes, all in the family, baby looney tunes, batman:animated adventures, teenwolf,snorks,doug,rugrats,spongebob,malcom in the middle,smallville, Garfield and friends,rugrats,supernatural,everbody loves Raymond, Johny zero, last comic standing( seasons 2 and 3),the littles,Alvin and the chipmunks, heathcliff,wait till your father gets home, mr.belvidere,home improvement,dennis the menace,little archie, yogibear,flinstones,aqua hunger teen force, reno911,chappelle show, you cant do that on television, heman and the masters of the universe,gobots,ducktales,silver spoons, chip and dale, the Charlie brown show,alf, fat albert,the munsters,leave it to beaver, spiderman and his amazing friends,bewitched,teenage mutant ninja turtles, Kirby, dragonball z, battle of the planets,muppet babies, the muppets,Richie rich, angel,buffy the vampire slayer,stargate, family ties,wonder years,the highlander,airwolf,hey Arnold,knightrider,family guy,facts of life,happy days,Baywatch, parker lewis cant lose,brady bunch, life goes on,tour of duty,thundercats,alice,golden girls,Sanford and son,happy days,one day at time,facts of life,the fall guy,welcome back kotter, threes company,perfect strangers,mask,ghostbuster,growing pains,I love lucy,whos the boss,small wonder,Kirby,dragonball z,avatar,alf,quantum leap,Laverne and Shirley,simpsons,I think I should stop now cause ive got like a 100 more shows lol.

Favorite board games: operation,life, battleship,chess,chutes and ladders,hungry hungry hippo, mouse trap and of course chess!!!.

Favorite music bands: skid row( 18 and life), def leppard, toto,motley crue,poison,guns and roses,bon jovi,warrant, van halen, Madonna, new kids on the block(just joking )whitesnake,nirvana, Duran Duran,pink floyd.

Best song: ordinary world(duran duran),Africa(toto). House of fire(Alice Cooper)

Best tv show theme song: welcome back kotter, adventures of pete and pete,dukes of hazard.

Favorite sport: tetherball and dodgeball lol

Favorite wrestlers : curt henning,randy savage,raven,Hulk Hogan, owen hart,kurt angle,the rock.

Favorite cereals:cocoa pebbles,cocoa puffs, count chocula,golden grams,apple jacks.

Favorite gum: bazooka joe grape, great tasting gum, comes with a a comic and tells your fortune ,what can ask more from a gum. lol

Favorite movie and tv characters: Bruce lee,master,Quinn Mallory,Po,Gizmo,gonzo,slimer(ghostbusters)fozzie bear,gargamel,archie bunker, boom boom Washington,juan Epstein,alf, AC slater,ferris bueller, zach morris,angel,spongebob,Charlie brown,Duncan mcleod brainysmurf,spiderman,macgyver,Donald duck,Winnie the pooh,tigger,jughead jones, sam and dean Winchester(supernatural) lex luthor(smallville), green arrow ,Michael knight(smallville),jeff spicolli,batman, randall (clerks)kara(smallville),destro,cobra commander, white shadow,major blood,pete and pete,endless mike,batman,roscoe Coltrane,orko,daisy dukes.

Favorite transformers: starscream,galvatron,megatron,stunticons,aerialbots,dinobots,combaticons,omega supreme,shockwave,soundwave,cyclonus,rumble.

Favorite romantic things to do: I know this gonna sound lame, but I think cuddling up with someone on a couch with a cup of hot chocolate , watching a movie or Saturday cartoons together is romantic, otherwise nothing beats a walk on the beach followed with a picnic,or a hot air ballon ride. Oh yeah this might not be so romantic but it would be cool to go to a magic workshop with someone and learn to to do magic together. You know practice with each other.

All time favorite video games: animal crossing( this game totally cracks me up :)
Mike tysons punch out,Zelda,castlevania, super mario3, tecmo bowl,san andreas,tekken 5,Grand theft auto 4.

By the way does anyone remember lasertag and photon?

Also does anyone remember collecting garbagepail kids?

Also does anyone remember teddy ruxpin?

Hey anyone have or had the smurfs pvc’s?( the little plastic smurfs) I remember playing with them and along with the transformers,gi joe,he-man toys , they rocked!!!!!!!!!

Slinkys also kick ass!!!

Smurfs or snorks?

Vinny Barbarino or Fonzie?

Bo Duke or Luke Duke?

Kitt or General Lee?

Anyone ever solve Rubicks cube?.... I know obviously theres a trick to it … the only trick I know is peeling off the stickers and placing them back on..lol!


Who do you think got higher SAT scores Samuel “Screech” Powers or Steve Urkel?

Anyone besides me wants to see NBC bring back Alf?... I have all the seasons on dvd and I tell you he’s one frickin funny dude?

Oh one more thing did anyone remember trying to break dance back in the day? … I remember getting an empty cardboard box and trying to spin on my head all while listening to a big stereo system.… lol those were the fun days ;)