At ease ladies. i know that you all think guys just want the booty (and we do) but all I'm looking for is someone to go to the movies with me so I don't keep looking like a freakin' square trying to watch movies like Wolverine by myself. i mean, damned, i'm a grown ass man, why am I watching kiddie movies...gotta put that one to the therapist. Anyway, in true CL fashion, I'll list the do's and don't below when responding to this fodder....
Do:
Have a sense of humor
Be willing to talk shit during the movie if it sucks
Let me pay for it since I pretend to be a gentleman sometimes
Wear something that's neither for church nor a fashion show
Be willing to stop at a porn store afterwards so that I can return some videos (something I find my self doing too often)
Don't:
Be a man (I will kick your hairy ass)
Be giant. I love tall women, I love short women, I don't love women who look like one of the Klumps
Be pretentious. If you want to see some crap like the Travelling Pants, I will vomit on yours.
Ask me if I still have all my teeth just because I'm a fighter. yes, I have them all...and never had a cavity either;-)
Spray me with mace if I try to hug you after the movie. It would be a friendly, genitalia apart type hug anyway.
That is all. Oh, and the thing about the fatties need not apply...I only say this because I don't want to have to pay for three seats...LOL!!! Ok, ok, I'm a dick;-)
FYI, anyone who wants to watch the 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' probably isn't too pretentious.
PS - is 'Wolverine' a kiddie movie? Maybe he means 'Up.'
06 May 2009
Looking for "Her"..... - 20 (hudsonville)
Hey Ladies,
I guess in short I'm not looking for anything concrete right now, but who knows if your the right girl it might happen. My name is Mike. I'm nothing special, nothing hott or sexy, so if your looking for eye candy, I'm definitely not it. Love is a hard thing to find, its something everyone dreams of, but sometimes never comes true. I am a bit of a hopeless romantic, love poetry, and just talking about stuff. I'm just looking for a close friend, and maybe more. I don't need sex or anything like that. Its so degrading sometimes. A good friendship is what I'm looking for. If your interested or want to know more, hit me up. Remember I'm nothing special, but I've learned that you should love who a person is rather than what they are. Hope to hear from you. Thanks!
Mike
I want to give this guy a big hug. I don't think that is too degrading.
I guess in short I'm not looking for anything concrete right now, but who knows if your the right girl it might happen. My name is Mike. I'm nothing special, nothing hott or sexy, so if your looking for eye candy, I'm definitely not it. Love is a hard thing to find, its something everyone dreams of, but sometimes never comes true. I am a bit of a hopeless romantic, love poetry, and just talking about stuff. I'm just looking for a close friend, and maybe more. I don't need sex or anything like that. Its so degrading sometimes. A good friendship is what I'm looking for. If your interested or want to know more, hit me up. Remember I'm nothing special, but I've learned that you should love who a person is rather than what they are. Hope to hear from you. Thanks!
Mike
I want to give this guy a big hug. I don't think that is too degrading.
Naughty and nice - 62 (Rockford)
White male, married, 62, seeks the company of older female companion. Prefer women 76+. Married.
What a horndog of an old man! I am concerned that he might have poor intentions.
What a horndog of an old man! I am concerned that he might have poor intentions.
04 May 2009
Penis monster looking to fall in love with a vagina monster. - 26 (Grand rapids)
Labia monsters, clitoris monsters, and boobie monsters are also acceptable alternatives. I don't discriminate.
I'm looking for a warm loving monster to snuggle up on the couch with, hold hands and watch a movie. I want to walk around in the parks with my arm around a waist and maybe a head on my shoulder? This is presuming I'm taller. There is so much good stuff to do. I could ramble on and on.
I'd like a lady with serious long term intentions in her head. I want a woman who is generous with her love, not that I want to be smothered, but I want it to hang thick in the air. Mmmhmmm. Smell that love.
There are many things about this ad that worry me. I think this man's age troubles me the most. I hope to god that he was drunk when he posted this.
need somthing ?? (alll over )
Missing something?
Feel you really need a Guy to make you happy?
I know I felt I needed a Girl to make me happy!
Then I found out.
All you need is Christ.
Jesus is the answer to sadness, and hope for a good future
Put your trust in Him first and He will deliver you your “prince” in the midst of the storm.
The lack of quotations around storm leads me to believe that the Weather Girls are clairvoyant. It also made me wonder how many women were delivered "princes" during Hurricane Katrina? What too soon?
Feel you really need a Guy to make you happy?
I know I felt I needed a Girl to make me happy!
Then I found out.
All you need is Christ.
Jesus is the answer to sadness, and hope for a good future
Put your trust in Him first and He will deliver you your “prince” in the midst of the storm.
The lack of quotations around storm leads me to believe that the Weather Girls are clairvoyant. It also made me wonder how many women were delivered "princes" during Hurricane Katrina? What too soon?
NEED LOVE IN MY LIFE - 35 (GR OUT SKIRTS)
What can i say here that will make you want to know me .
Well i am over weight .
Long hair.
one tat.
one kid.
smoke drink.
I am nice , good karma .
average size dick , sorry no anaconda here . . .
Not even shur if it still works !
Funny at times , but not always to others .
self employed .
ok wanna no more ask
i hope to here from you soon .
I have no desire to know him. Although, I would like to know the reasoning behind the Mickey Mouse Boobs.
Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow. - 26 (grand rapids)
Dear female gender,
One of you is going to fall in love with me.
I'll make it easy by being nice to you!! And by reciprocating that love.
We will even hold hands and talk to each other about silly stuff like how our day went.
One day you will wake up in the morning and look at me all cute sleeping away and you're going to fantasize about having my babies. If we are lucky there will be a few such strategic accidents.
Sincerely,
Captain Amazing
Dear Captain Amazing,
I truly doubt that I would fall in love with you based upon this ad alone. For some reason, you are confusing general human decency with seduction. I am positive that I would not fantasize about having little Officer Amazings with you. If something as awful as insemination occurred, I would have a different type of "strategic accident."
Regards,
Admiral Uninterested
One of you is going to fall in love with me.
I'll make it easy by being nice to you!! And by reciprocating that love.
We will even hold hands and talk to each other about silly stuff like how our day went.
One day you will wake up in the morning and look at me all cute sleeping away and you're going to fantasize about having my babies. If we are lucky there will be a few such strategic accidents.
Sincerely,
Captain Amazing
Dear Captain Amazing,
I truly doubt that I would fall in love with you based upon this ad alone. For some reason, you are confusing general human decency with seduction. I am positive that I would not fantasize about having little Officer Amazings with you. If something as awful as insemination occurred, I would have a different type of "strategic accident."
Regards,
Admiral Uninterested
My virgin ears are burning. I can hear my neighbors having copulation - 27 (GR)
Preface:
I've done some thinking and I'm pretty sure that living happily ever after [1] requires a wife. Maybe this is a case of the "grass is greener" syndrome? Or maybe it was the upbringing. Also I have analyzed my coworkers and regardless of age all the married ones do seem to be much happier. Some of the single ones are quite the example of human frailty (seizures...) and why we all need somebody to lean on sometimes.
Therefore I've decided that my own personal woman would be not only romantic but practical. So I'm looking for a serious minded lady.
I hope this doesn't make me sound like I'm in any particular rush. Cuz I aint.
About Me:
I went to college and got a bachelors in electrical engineering. I've been working at a grownup job for 4 and a half years now.
Chaste and mostly virtuous. [2]
I like good food: I will never eat at McDonalds.
I'm a tad geeky. I only watch tv in dvd format and I play a decent amount of video games.
Sports: I like watching Hockey, F1 racing, and fast forwarding through nascar. I only watch sports with others.
Five feet and 11 inches.
About you:
18 to 21: Workable but I'd feel like a cradle robber.
22 to 28: This is prime.
Over 28: Your biological clock concerns me. [3]
Educated or getting educated.
Chaste and mostly virtuous. [4]
Warm and mature.
Height to weight proportionate.
Classy.
Finale:
Per the usual, your pic gets mine blah blah blah.
Just to prove that you aren't spam please mention angular momentum.[5]
Foot notes:
[1] Or rather the closest approximation of "happily ever after" that is humanly achievable by flawed (but mature and devoted) individuals.
[2] Use your imagination.
[3] Sorry.
[4] I know what I want and I want it now. I want you. Cause I'm Mr. Vain.
[5] I changed my mind. please mention 2nd Kings Chapter 2 verses 23-25.
What I have learned from this post:
1) To live happily ever after, I need a husband.
2) Because I am single, I will have seizures.
3) Married people are happier because they do not have seizures.
4) A man should own me because it is both romantic and practical.
5) McDonald's does not serve good food. (Giant diet cokes anyone??)
6) Cradle robbing occurs until age 21 and one has an until age 28 before her biological clock is concerning. I have very little time!
7) II Kings 2: 23-24- "Some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, 'Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!' And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys." PRICELESS
I've done some thinking and I'm pretty sure that living happily ever after [1] requires a wife. Maybe this is a case of the "grass is greener" syndrome? Or maybe it was the upbringing. Also I have analyzed my coworkers and regardless of age all the married ones do seem to be much happier. Some of the single ones are quite the example of human frailty (seizures...) and why we all need somebody to lean on sometimes.
Therefore I've decided that my own personal woman would be not only romantic but practical. So I'm looking for a serious minded lady.
I hope this doesn't make me sound like I'm in any particular rush. Cuz I aint.
About Me:
I went to college and got a bachelors in electrical engineering. I've been working at a grownup job for 4 and a half years now.
Chaste and mostly virtuous. [2]
I like good food: I will never eat at McDonalds.
I'm a tad geeky. I only watch tv in dvd format and I play a decent amount of video games.
Sports: I like watching Hockey, F1 racing, and fast forwarding through nascar. I only watch sports with others.
Five feet and 11 inches.
About you:
18 to 21: Workable but I'd feel like a cradle robber.
22 to 28: This is prime.
Over 28: Your biological clock concerns me. [3]
Educated or getting educated.
Chaste and mostly virtuous. [4]
Warm and mature.
Height to weight proportionate.
Classy.
Finale:
Per the usual, your pic gets mine blah blah blah.
Just to prove that you aren't spam please mention angular momentum.[5]
Foot notes:
[1] Or rather the closest approximation of "happily ever after" that is humanly achievable by flawed (but mature and devoted) individuals.
[2] Use your imagination.
[3] Sorry.
[4] I know what I want and I want it now. I want you. Cause I'm Mr. Vain.
[5] I changed my mind. please mention 2nd Kings Chapter 2 verses 23-25.
What I have learned from this post:
1) To live happily ever after, I need a husband.
2) Because I am single, I will have seizures.
3) Married people are happier because they do not have seizures.
4) A man should own me because it is both romantic and practical.
5) McDonald's does not serve good food. (Giant diet cokes anyone??)
6) Cradle robbing occurs until age 21 and one has an until age 28 before her biological clock is concerning. I have very little time!
7) II Kings 2: 23-24- "Some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, 'Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!' And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys." PRICELESS
Romantic Dominance and Submission - 27 (GR)
very simply I'd like to meet someone who wants to:
be courted with intentions
become a bride
become a wifey
become convenient ;)
become a follower
become a mother
?
Really, is a winky face the most appropriate emoticon?
03 May 2009
Please tell me what you think of my looks
I'm kind of shy and I would like to know what you think of the way I look (Like would you date a guy like me)If you would like to know me please send me a note and your picture Iwill respond back Thanks and have a great week Grant
Dear Grant,
Please stop fishing for compliments. Newsflash: it's unattractive.
So, to answer your question: not so hot.
Warm Regards,
a member of the concerned public
Dear Grant,
Please stop fishing for compliments. Newsflash: it's unattractive.
So, to answer your question: not so hot.
Warm Regards,
a member of the concerned public
16 April 2009
Sort of creepy anti-social type seeks happy-go-lucky girl next door!!! - 33
That is to say I love people, I just don't like to be around them all that much. I also love music... listening to and playing all types. It's possible that my creepiness would subside after you got to know me. I thoroughly enjoy sarcasm, the dark, slight cynicism, stupid blogs, hiking, salsa (the food not the dance), and masks. I'm not tall ~ 5' 9" and not in the greatest shape, but not horribly out of shape or unattractive. If you're at all interested, you know what to do... hopefully. Anyway, pic for pic and all that BS. Have a nice day!
This gem comes from a computer in Madison, Wisconsin. Unrelated - Is 5'9" is the beginnings of tall? I judge everyone by ANTM model contestant height, and if contestants can be 5'8" and up, then 5'9" is tall enough to be a female model, which means that 5'9" is actually sort of tall, right?
This gem comes from a computer in Madison, Wisconsin. Unrelated - Is 5'9" is the beginnings of tall? I judge everyone by ANTM model contestant height, and if contestants can be 5'8" and up, then 5'9" is tall enough to be a female model, which means that 5'9" is actually sort of tall, right?
Elliott Gore - 19 (Jonesboro Arkansas)
Hello, My name is Elliott gore. I am a dark-shinned gentleman ready for true love. I love to hangout with friends, play my trumpet and go to church. If you are ready for love holla at me
Just the shins, eh? It's like the reverse of a bad tan line from soccer shinguards.
Just the shins, eh? It's like the reverse of a bad tan line from soccer shinguards.
13 April 2009
After I CUM I am not DONE! - 34 (Downtown Fresno)
I am a romantic young gentleman and poetry is to me a skill
By just seeing you in person I can make wet with thrill
I do not need a pen or paper to express to you what I see
Just the words from my mouth will make you want to feel the sight of me
I also never stop from evening until later past the morning dawn
I will Cum a few times but I will not say thank you and be gone
I will Give you oral sex with my rather think tongue
and then I will be hard again and inside you again I'll be sprung
I love the position of you riding me and you'll be surprised at what I can do
while your riding my think penis I can lift my pelvis inside of you
I will feel like a pole you are riding and for hours you can ride
and I know this is NSA but if you want more of me I can be open to be TIED
I do not have a credit card or a checking account so I can not join a site that needs that for age check, But I will give you any information so you can see I am a very legal decent guy that is 34 I work downtown Fresno and live in downtown also. I hope I will hear from a woman because I am so bored and sad now.
I spent 20 minutes trying to write a response poem to the poster telling him where he went wrong, but every time I tried I ended up with this:
STOP.
It's been said before but: bad poetry? Oh noetry! People, stop before your god-awful "poetry" hurts someone you would like to love in the future, NSA, TIED, or otherwise.
Fairly unrelated: how does a 34-year-old man live, work, and survive without any type of bank account? I'm not sure whether or not that's a feat, and thus something I should be impressed with by default.
By just seeing you in person I can make wet with thrill
I do not need a pen or paper to express to you what I see
Just the words from my mouth will make you want to feel the sight of me
I also never stop from evening until later past the morning dawn
I will Cum a few times but I will not say thank you and be gone
I will Give you oral sex with my rather think tongue
and then I will be hard again and inside you again I'll be sprung
I love the position of you riding me and you'll be surprised at what I can do
while your riding my think penis I can lift my pelvis inside of you
I will feel like a pole you are riding and for hours you can ride
and I know this is NSA but if you want more of me I can be open to be TIED
I do not have a credit card or a checking account so I can not join a site that needs that for age check, But I will give you any information so you can see I am a very legal decent guy that is 34 I work downtown Fresno and live in downtown also. I hope I will hear from a woman because I am so bored and sad now.
I spent 20 minutes trying to write a response poem to the poster telling him where he went wrong, but every time I tried I ended up with this:
STOP.
It's been said before but: bad poetry? Oh noetry! People, stop before your god-awful "poetry" hurts someone you would like to love in the future, NSA, TIED, or otherwise.
Fairly unrelated: how does a 34-year-old man live, work, and survive without any type of bank account? I'm not sure whether or not that's a feat, and thus something I should be impressed with by default.
06 April 2009
Once in a lifetime Opportunity - 19 (Gainesville)
Hey whats up....im here looking for a nice young lady to be friends with, and if everything is great, then a girlfriend.....im 19, black, 170lbs athletic, 6'0,black hair, brown eyes and light brown skin.....i dont smoke or drink, and expect for you not to either (but if you drink then thats ok, but just dont be an alcoholic.....lol)...im not really a partier either but i still know how to have a good time......i know how to really treat a lady.....im not looking for sex either......as for you (i would prefer, but not limited to)....age-18-23, height-5'5-5'10, weight-130lbs-165lbs athletic or somewhat in shape, eyes- any color, race/color- i will be friends with anybody, but as for girlfriend/ wife status, i would prefer light skined-white......but still respond and see where it goes......e-mail me if you are interested, and if you are real please let me know because 95% of the responses are fake people/bots......so dont miss out on a great friendship/relationship
OMFG. If you're going to be a racist asshole in your post, at least spell 'skinned' right.
OMFG. If you're going to be a racist asshole in your post, at least spell 'skinned' right.
real, lonely, special, and ready to melt... - 42 (gville area)
yeah, I'm a former grad student at UF, and have found my way back to north florida.
I'm very alone, nice guy, and have a secluded cabin, and don't and wouldn't want any issues.
If you are mature and kind, and rare...can't hurt to send an email. I'm not after anything specific, which is a good thing.
Dear Poster,
"I'm very alone" makes you sound sad. Lonely is fine, desperate is not. Please bear this in mind for future postings. Also, "I'm not after anything specific" really just intensifies the sad, desperate longing. I take issue with saying that you have absolutely no idea what you want is a good thing. Yes, you're open-minded and you have low expectations, but a better way to say that might be "I'm open-minded about where meeting and being friends leads," or "I'm interested in meeting lots of different kinds of people."
Additional note: saying that you're very alone, you have a secluded cabin, and you don't want any issues (whatever that means - be more specific) makes you sound like you're a serial killer. Are you going to kill the people who reply to your post and adorn your secluded little cabin with their guts? GOD. STOP BEING SO CREEPY.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen
I'm very alone, nice guy, and have a secluded cabin, and don't and wouldn't want any issues.
If you are mature and kind, and rare...can't hurt to send an email. I'm not after anything specific, which is a good thing.
Dear Poster,
"I'm very alone" makes you sound sad. Lonely is fine, desperate is not. Please bear this in mind for future postings. Also, "I'm not after anything specific" really just intensifies the sad, desperate longing. I take issue with saying that you have absolutely no idea what you want is a good thing. Yes, you're open-minded and you have low expectations, but a better way to say that might be "I'm open-minded about where meeting and being friends leads," or "I'm interested in meeting lots of different kinds of people."
Additional note: saying that you're very alone, you have a secluded cabin, and you don't want any issues (whatever that means - be more specific) makes you sound like you're a serial killer. Are you going to kill the people who reply to your post and adorn your secluded little cabin with their guts? GOD. STOP BEING SO CREEPY.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen
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