17 May 2010

Do you have a pool? - 27 (BR)

Do you? lol I'm off of work sun and mon and would just love to relax by a pool. I figured it could be a good "date" cause we can just hang out and talk and get to know eachother. What ya think?


Hey, is it cool if I shamelessly use you a bit? Oh, and I uh, I totally want to get to know you. In the sun. By your pool. Just me, the sun, the calming water, not a care in the world, and uh, you.

pee queens $$$ for pee$$$ - 29 (baton rouge)

hi,
good looking white male ,d/dd free.

looking for your piss.
i am generous $$$$$$

not looking for any sexual activities.
just a meet and pee type thing
very discreet.
i have pics.
please put "pee b.r "in the subject line
race, age not matter



I.love.this.ad. Especially this part: just a meet and pee type thing / very discreet. That's fucking poetry, people. Thanks, Louisiana.

08 May 2010

Can You Meet My Specs? - 66 (NC)

I am looking for a Caucasian, single female, 59 years old. Scorpio preferred.

Required physical attributes will be:

5 feet 8 inches plus or minus 1inch

135 to 140 pounds in weight. Entire body must be in balance.

Larger breasts not considered.

Facial skin must be fair with no blemishes.

No facial hair except eyebrows.

Remainder of body must be fair with no varicose veins or blemishes

No piercings other than 1 on each on ear.

No visible tattoos, and only 1 small, discreet tattoo of good taste.

No large feet, oversized hands or big nose.

Hair can be any color, at least shoulder length.

Must stand erect with no slouching.

Must have all your own original teeth.

Must have blue eyes.

Must bathe thoroughly twice daily, with little or no lingering soap odor.

Personal hygiene is a must.

Must be disease free. If you have had an STD test recently, don't reply. Why? Why did you need the test? <<<<<

Must actively attend gym at least 2 hours/day, 3 times a week. Should be able to bench press your own weight.

Required financial status will be: A yearly income of at least $65,000. Own your own home with a 3 car garage, (paid for, no mortgage) on 5 acres or more. Any stocks and bonds are a plus and will be yours alone. No credit card debts. No credit cards.

Must own at least 2 cars less that 2 years old

Required abilities: Must be able to grow food from your own garden, freeze/store them.

Be able to shop for groceries alone, bring them home, and cook. WELL!

Prepare meals from "scratch", all 3 course, breakfast, lunch, and supper/dinner. (On time, daily)

Must be able to bathe, trim, and groom my dogs, as well as feed them timely meals.

Wash and wax automobile(s)

Take care of the laundry situation, folding and putting my things where they belong.

Casual requirements:

Make yourself available to me when I deem it, with no inhibitions.

Bring refreshments, etc. when I ask. You must live within walking distance of my home

Be able to tolerate a smoking, drinking, demanding, son of a bitch like me.



Well, Mr.66-year-old male presenting absolutely no personal information about yourself, you are a hard man to please. Points for honesty, or at least being self-aware enough to know that you are a 'demanding son of a bitch.' I think admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery, so this would be super great if you were admitting it's a problem, which you're not.