31 March 2009

you'll think my tractors sexy

looking for some paradeing material someone who is drop dead gorgues i like blone and long legs i am a farmer ouside of ithaca with a very sturdy built


Usually, I respond to what an individual is trying to say in their post. In this case, I think the poster would benefit a good deal more from a breakdown of their grammar and spelling errors.

you'll think my tractor's sexy

looking for some parading material*; someone who is drop dead gorgeous. I like blonde [hair] and long legs. I am a farmer outside of Ithaca with a very sturdy build.


*Begs the question: what is parading material? A person attractive enough to parade in front of others? Patriarchy is the worst.

Only Low Esteem women need apply (IC/Coralville)

I will treat you like crap... I won't call when I say I will... and when I do see you, I will keep asking you when you are going to lose some more weight? I will tell you how much better looking your friends are than you.

I will isolate you from your family.

you will tell me your deepest insecurities, and I will exploit them.

I will treat you like every other man has treated you in the past... and you will keep coming back for more.

--ps: say something about Iowa City/ Coralville, so I know that you are real.



I'm very torn* between denouncing this man as a hateful, misogynistic pig and applauding him for his honesty and what I'm guessing is a good deal of self-awareness colored by heavy doses of reality.

*and by torn, I mean the opposite.

27 March 2009

Please send me spam and stupid links?? (Austin)

WOW!! All the response here have been from fake women.That's awesome for normal single guys just trying to meet a nice Lady on here.So with that said I KNOW NO ONE will read this part I'm sure.If your not a real Lady just looking for a friends first please do not respond here.Don't send me spam or stupid links.PLEASE BE SOME WHAT RESPECTFUL here.Just send a small pic your email or a way to get in contact with you that's not some stupid link.Facebook or Myspace will do but at least have your profile public not private.So much trouble to meet someone nice on here for real.Should not be this hard or should it??


Oh, poster, you are so wrong. I DID READ THAT PART. Also: I'm reading the erratic capitalization as a touch of schizophrenia or an obsession with the music of Kanye West. Either or both of those conclusions could be wrong.

In need for a Side Girlfriend soon. - 36 (Cedar Park)

Title pretty much tells you what I'm looking for. I would treat you so good in so many ways, you'll love me forever. I'm not a player by all means but I'm tired on the same old stuff at home, so I thought I would give this a try. Is there any woman who's in the same shoes I'm in???/ Please reply back if so so we can chat and see what happens. I'm a good looking 36 y/o white male and I have pics, please have pics so we can exchange. Hope to hear from you soon....

Way to plan ahead, wishes-he-were-cheating white male.

You're kinky, horny, and cute (but happen to have h**s**v) - m4w - 30 (6*2*0 and twenty-two twenty-two)

Aren't you tired of "the conversation" looming over every potential encounter or relationship? Can't a girl just have a NSA sex-filled weekend without the hassle? Sure you can :-) You just need a guy that understands what you're dealing with.

I'm 6' tall, 220 lbs, broad shoulders, good-looking, funny and a lot of fun, and got exposed to h*s*v*2 by an ex while I was in college. I'm attached, but that shouldn't matter.

You should be intelligent, height and weight proportionate, be a borderline sex addict, and otherwise normal and fun to be around.

Discretion and privacy are of utmost importance, and will be respected. Let's talk a bit and then exchange pictures if we feel comfortable with one another.

We've had some crazy weather this week: there was a hail storm in north Austin on Wednesday and we got a lot of rain this morning and now it's sunny.

Seriously, the weather? I understand using the weather as a common, neutral starting point for a conversation with someone you don't know. I hardly think that the end of a personal ad on Craigslist is a place where such a point needs to be established. Congratulations, height and weight proportionate borderline sex addict. You're doing it backwards.

24 March 2009

I want to be a cookie monster tonight - 53 (SW Austin)

I love to eat cookies and am actually quite good at the pleasure. Let's meet for HH and go from there.Your pic gets mine. SXSW is over , rained earlier , nice out now & 80 degrees.

80 degrees? Seriously? Austin, Texas looks better to me all the time. Unrelated: Sesame Street references are a terrible way to get into anyone's pants, unless they're a child. STOP.

19 March 2009

I need a Girlfriend U Need??? - 39 (Baton Rouge Area)

Ok here is the deal. I own two businesses in the Baton Rouge area that are doing pretty well I also have one wife in the area who is not doing so well so I need a girlfriend! So if u think you might be able to handle a relationship like this then we need to talk about the details. I am more than willing to take you to the mall shopping, out to lunch, dinner or drinks and generally spoil you rotten. If you need a little help with the bills or rent then that is what boyfriends do. What I will not do is support u. In return you get a great guy with all my hair all my teeth and occasionally I even smell pretty good. I stay in shape and you should as well. If you like days out on the water and an occasional weekend out of town that is a plus as well. If you dive that is a real plus but I can alway teach you since I am an instructor. Have a pic to trade and please if your email address is not local then tell me in the email or u just get deleted.

Is he trying to pull an Edwards? Does his wife have cancer? It's unclear exactly what's going on in this man's marriage. Also, how is paying for shopping, meals, bills, and rent not support?
I think he's confused about what 'support' means.

15 March 2009

24 yo looking for vaggina - 24 (baton rouge)

i am a 24 yr old looking for a woman of any age. I have a daughter and am just looking for some fun. 225 - two three five- eight four three one text me ill be waiting, first vagina gets my big ass dick.


I've devised a new rule for humankind, and I think it will benefit everyone. From now on, no one who can't spell 'vagina' can put their big ass dick in one. You're welcome, world.

OK, I Give Up - 48 (Baton Rouge)

Well, I tried some of the very direct stuff and got nothing but scam/spam back so, I have decided to go the more subtle route. Start slow and go from there
Looking for a nice, smart, gentle woman who I hope is married and in a secure position.
If you can talk politics, economy, or whatever you wish to discuss, I would like to meet you and eventually take your clothes off, if it's ok with you.
I travel quite a bit, yet when in BTR can meet just about anywhere and can host during the day. I am not a nut.
I drive a junky car, have a nice dog, and really am looking for someone who just wants to talk, have their opinion valued and listened to, and who knows from there

So, there really isn't anything for you to loose.

If I take you to IHOP, don't be surprised if I use coupons to pay the bill
Just being real




Points for being interested in getting consent before taking off someone's clothes after a coupon-fueled trip to IHOP?

10 March 2009

Redneck Seeking Cane Pole Queen - 41 (Austin)

If you don't know about Cane Poles, fishing with Cheetos, Beanie Weenies. If you don't have an Aunt that fishes with Big Red, then where you been?
Do you know what a minna is?
What is the daily bag limitt of Crappie?
How do you bribe a Game Warden?
What is the other use of a telephone?
What works better than WD 40 on a dry fishing reel?


Psycho women stay away! Russian Brides Stay Away! If you are in Nigeria and have money you want to wire me. Go ahead. I may call you back after I spend it all to make sure it is real. So with all the scams aside!
Don't ask me to join a stupid website or join some special adult chat
group to see your photos. I am a real man I already have a vivid
imagination.

Now if you have a fishing website or chat forum that tells me about
new fishing holes or techniques, I am interested.

If your only communication skills are text messaging then it won't
work out for us. You will wind up killing me. I drive a lot and it
messes me up trying to eat a bbq sandwich, drinking coffee and driving
70MPH. When I text the Yellow Line becomes a blur and I don't know
what kind of road kill I just drove over.

I might even miss the snake in the road. That is important. It is
mandatory for me to jam my brakes and go back and make sure I got the
snake. A snake in the road requires absolute and immediate action,
especially a rattle snake in the road. It doesn't matter if you have
to block traffic you have to do U-turn after U turn to run him over
till he stops moving.

Right now the best thing to to is put the dead snake on the nearest
fence. It is supposed to bring rain. So put all the snakes you can
on the fences across the area. In case it is a rattlesnake or copper
head make sure the head is off, don't assume any liability for your
actions.

Back to the mesage.

The only friends with benefits situation I am looking for is if you
have an extra $25 or $50 Academy Surplus, or Cabellas gift certificate
burning a whole in your pocket that would be a dream come true.

If you see some rods and reels on sale or at a garage sell you are
welcome to text alert me or dial me in 911 speed.

Don't respond if, you are pyscho, stuck in Nigeria, Albania, England or BFE.

My name is James, for real. I am 41 years old, 6 foot 3 inches tall,
235 pounds or so depending on how much bbq I have eaten. Brown Hair,
Hazel eyes.

I am really nice guy looking for a real woman.

Not looking for the following:
I am not looking for a Russian Bride, I am not looking for a woman
stuck in Nigeria or England looking for money to come to the US.
Basically if your stuck in some other country do what my ancestors
did, save you money and get your own boat ride over here.

I am looking for:

Looking for a real woman who can appreciate a real man. You won't
change me but you might be able to tame me.

No nagging women. No women who are going to call me at 5:35PM and ask
why I am still working. No abusive women. No psychos, please. Been
there done that.

What I have to offer: I will ask you how was your day and I will turn
the TV off and listen. I will wash your car, I will give you a neck
and back massage. I will cook for you occasionally or maybe a lot. I
would rather chase a good cook around the kitchen. I will hold your
hair back when you vomit.

So lets meet for coffee or a Sonic Burger to start. I can go from BBQ
all the way to Tofu at a vegetarian restaurant. Very versatile. If
your lucky someday I will whip up a home cooked meal for you and
massage your feet and ask how your day was.

I can talk for hours and hours and listen. Some women have accused me
of have a secret woman inside or me in regards to this. At the same
time I am a guys in all facets. I stink like a guys, sweat like a guy
and have the urges of a guy. I gladly leave the toilet set up for a
bigger target. Too much energy wasted on raising and lowering the
toilet. So if we work out I probably need my own toilet at some point
or a great tree in the back yard is even better. It is all about
going green and water conservation.

Finally the most important test. No woman worth marrying will have
less than 15% of her bridal selections at Academy Surplus.

James




Woah there, James! That's a lot of words. I can only assume that the bit at the top is some sort of special Redneck code, like 4-trackin. If so, congrats, you've weeded me out of your pool of potential mates. There's a lot here, but I've bolded some of my favorite bits. Call me, James. You're really not that bad, but damn, you're a winner.

08 March 2009

Searching for my princess Leia - 25 (Downers Grove)


Greetings I've decided to give this a shot. Trying to meet women at the bar is lame and outdated. I want to meet a woman who is truly interested in who I am and having a meaningful relationship. Okay, here are somethings about me...I have a very high appreciation for music. I'm kind of a self-proclaimed geek. I enjoy comic books, video games, and I also moonlight as a master jedi. I am a nice hybrid of homebody meets adventurer. It's always a party hanging out playing boardgames or spending quality time watching the Wars or some episodes of TNG with that special someone, but I also enjoy getting out and seeking excitement. I consider myself an avid outdoorsman who likes to fish, hike, camp, travel, and hunt for moral mushrooms. One of my daily rituals is to go out for a nice long run. A favorite pastime of mine is to play music with my friends. I play the drums, and I am also attempting to play the piano/casio. She's a '84. We'll see where that takes me. Okay, enough about me...

I'm looking for someone who is equally active and appreciative of a good time. I am truly looking for someone for the long haul. I'm not interested in one night stands, and "No" you may not use my photos for any modeling and/or scandelous activities.


You're al gae and I'm a fun gi and together we are a linchen. hehe.

If you're interested, please send me some kind of correspondence and a photo would be nice.

Thanks!



Love of Star Wars? CHECK. Bad science-related puns? CHECK. Misspelling of scandalous? CHECK, again! Learning how to play a Casio?

Husband?

06 March 2009

Crazy Marxist-Leninist seeks same. - 25 (Gainesville)

I've tried this once before, and got someone that sucks. Don't reply to this if you're a god damn Obama-Liberal and/or you think the Democratic Party is a good thing. I'm seeking a like minded female. I don't care what you look like, as long as you're into Marxism-Leninism. That means no Trots, no Orthodox Maoists (that means no one who takes their views on socialist countries from the 1960s Sino-Soviet split, i.e. anti-Castro Maoists), no Cruise Missile Leftists, no Anarchists, no Libidinal Situationists, no primitivists, no Liberals, and definitely no right-wing trash of any sort. And if you're a guy reading this who knows who I am, don't tell people like that to respond to this ad (you know who you are).

And don't flag this post for removal. That's BS.


Here, let me do you a favor, you crazy Marxist-Leninist. Consider this title next time you post (because believe me, there will be a next time): Crazy-Leninist seeks woman not offended by his extreme passive-aggressive behavior. I know I just widened your pool of women (politically speaking), but I think you'll agree that this is necessary for any sort of long-term relationship success. You're welcome.

05 March 2009

Im hoping to bump in to you!!! - 22 (lexington)

Im just here to maybe find a nice beautiful girl that I can get along with. Attraction is what sparks everything, I believe, so Im going to leave at that. Any interest, send me a pic (mines b-low), and message...



Um, I'm pretty sure that's Lil Wayne, in which case - I'm just guessing here - makes it NOT a pic of the poster. Personally, I'd let it slide, just for the implied reference to Lollipop, which I'm taking as a reason to post THIS. Keep hitting refresh until it plays. Seriously, you'll thank me later.